My bestie and I – her, newly divorced and me, recently widowed – decided we need to go on vacation for a week. Her ex happily agreed to move in to take care of her twins, while my in-laws are over the moon to do the same for me. Our goal is to completely unplug for the week. Of course, we agreed to check in every night at bedtime (all our children are too young for their own cellphones, but not too old to miss their mommies).

We’re looking for a resort geared toward single adults, though couples are welcome. But no families, and no children. Our goal is to clear our minds of all the “stuff” we deal with on a day-to-day basis. In digital terms, clearing our cache. We’ve both been through a lot in our relationships, and we’ve both started the dating game. But it’s not going well for either of us…. And neither of us wish to spend the rest of our lives alone. We’re only mid-40s!

I’m nervous about this whole plan, though. Am I ready?

Getting “out” there

This is a great idea! A refresh, for mind, body and spirit. As a mom myself, I completely understand the need to ALWAYS be reachable. However, I can’t answer the phone when I’m in the dentist’s chair, for example, and my family has survived. So, it is possible to unplug. And given that your children are little, your plan of speaking before bedtime should be sufficient for the few days you’re away.

I also suggest taking a hiatus from all dating apps while you’re at this resort. Go away with an open mind and an open heart. Join in the activities, whatever interests you, such as beach volleyball, salsa dancing, or hot tub trivia. Doing things you enjoy will land you in places with like-minded people. Sit at communal tables for dinner, dance with strangers, look UP from your phone, smile and be open to people walking by.

Don’t put pressure on yourself to find your next husband. Relax, enjoy your time with your friend and be open to possibilities.

My boyfriend is a gearhead. He’s obsessed with always having the right gear for any activity in which he’s going to partake. I’m not talking about the obvious, for example, skates and a stick for hockey. No, this guy has hiking shoes, biking shoes, tennis shoes, golf shoes, pickleball shoes, indoor tennis shoes, running shoes, gardening shoes - sometimes multiple pairs. And it doesn’t end with the shoes. There are golf gloves, tennis gloves, gardening gloves and biking gloves. There are hats for every sport in every possible weather. He has many hockey sticks, a few sets of golf clubs, multiple tennis racquets – you get the picture.

We recently decided to move in together and opted for a two-bedroom, mostly because I work from home. Closet space was important for me because I know he has a lot of clothes, as do I. What I didn’t know was just how much gear this guy owns! In all honesty, we should have rented a three-bedroom, one for just his stuff. Now there’s no room for anything anywhere and I’m feeling very claustrophobic.

What do I do?

Geared Out

If you’re in an apartment or condo, there are often storage closets (in the basement or garage) with each unit. Suggest that he stick his off-season gear in there. If you’re in a home with a garage, suggest he stick his gear out there. If none of that is available, see if he can put his excess off-season gear elsewhere, say at his parents’ or a sibling’s.

And if none of that is viable, perhaps renting a small storage space off-site will help clear the clutter.

FEEDBACK Regarding the underwear (March 16):

Reader – “A 12-year-old learns modesty at home, whether male or female.”

Lisi – Right, and these parents are free-spirited.

Reader #2 – “My granddaughter, currently 15, is similar to this young girl. From early on she was very comfortable with her body. Now, she warns us when she's about to appear to go in the bathroom so we can avert our eyes.

“She also enjoys ladies’ underwear. In her case, she developed very early so I took her to Victoria Secret and had her sized there for bras. I let her choose some fancy lacy bras and, what I think of as, those awful lacey thongs. No one needs to know what she wears under her clothes.

“I've noticed that the thong phase only lasted about six months. She's now wearing her sensible cotton underpants again. But still enjoying the bras, which she needs for her size.”