My spouse went out for a drink with his friend, a man
I completely detest, and never came home. I went to bed, assuming he’d be home at some point before dawn. I woke up in the morning to an empty bed.

I called his phone but no answer. I called the man he went out with, but he said he had no idea where my husband was; they had said goodbye at the bar, around 11:30 p.m., and gone their separate ways. I called my in-laws, but they hadn’t heard from their son or seen him. I called his brother, but he said the same thing. I asked him to call their sister but knew that was a dead end as they don’t really communicate and she lives in Australia.

After confirmation that she hadn’t a clue where my husband was, I called the police. His phone wasn’t pinging anywhere, and his location services were turned off. When I hung up, I was just about to call my parents when they called me. My father was having chest pains.

I called the ambulance and my brother, but unbeknownst to me, he was in Thailand on holiday. He couldn’t help. Fortunately, or unfortunately, our one daughter was in Spain on exchange. I called the dog walker, got her to come and look after the dog, knowing it might be longer than just a few hours and headed down to the hospital.

That week, my father died; my brother didn’t come home to pay his respects or help with any arrangements; and my husband never resurfaced. Our daughter did come home, devastated over the loss of her beloved grandfather and trying to make sense of her own father’s disappearance.

In trying to make sense of my unbelievable life, I fear I may have manifested all of this. I have been reading social media posts recently, all far out stories about death, illness, relationships, people gone missing, etc., etc. Could I have brought this on myself?

Too Unreal to believe

That is what we call “magical thinking” – the belief that your thoughts or actions can bring on external events, with no clear connection. So, no. I don’t think you manifested any of this.

Your father’s heart attack wasn’t timed; it was just a coincidence that it happened the same morning your husband disappeared. Unless your father knew something, but I doubt that.

According to research, 70,000 to 80,000 people are reported missing annually in Canada. Most are found within seven days, but many are not. There are so many factors to take into consideration with regards to your husband’s disappearance, and I am certainly no expert in the area.

I suggest you speak to a therapist who also specializes in grief counselling. You have a lot to process with the loss of your father and the disappearance of your husband. And I would get your daughter some therapy as well, as this double “abandonment” could affect her negatively.

I know enough to tell you to give the police everything you know, including a description of the relationship you had with the man he was last seen with, and your husband’s relationship with his sister, despite the fact that she lives across the globe. I also know that it may help you to keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings, to get them out of your head and onto paper.

I’m very sorry for your losses, especially the one without closure.

FEEDBACK Regarding keeping the house tidy (Feb. 28):
Reader – “50 years is a long time; 71 is a longer time. My wife Eleanor and I were married in February 1955; she was 20 and I was 25. I was a theatre projectionist for 50 years, so circumstances caused me to be working late hours for most of those 50 years. So as not to disturb Eleanor, we slept in separate rooms. Nevertheless, she raised three children: two boys and a girl all by herself.

“Most of the time I held down a full-time, day job as well.  All three children are now retired and were successful.

“My bedroom was called the junk room because I was always working on some project. So, you can see I took your excellent advice. Looking back, we all lead a happy, healthy and satisfying life.”

Lisi – What a beautiful life story!