While on a short-haul flight recently from Calgary to Kelowna, I was pleased to find a near empty plane. I was exhausted from a big sports event I had participated in and was looking forward to having the space to spread out. For reasons I still can’t understand, an elderly woman moved into the seat next to me. There were rows and rows of empty seats, and she was not assigned that seat.
I excused myself to the restroom and asked the attendant if I could move my row, but they said because we were already airborne, and there were high winds, I needed to stay put. I explained the situation, and was told that she shouldn’t have moved, but now there was nothing to be done.
Why would someone willingly choose to be squished and uncomfortable, all while ruining someone else’s chance at comfort and relaxation? I was a mess upon arrival and I’m still annoyed!
Pretzel
Oh, that is the worst! I feel for you. Luckily, as you mentioned, it was a short flight, so you didn’t have to suffer for long.
I suggest you get some much-needed rest and perhaps a massage to un-pretzel your body. You’ll feel better after both. And just let it go. It’s in the past and there’s nothing you can do about it now. Don’t carry it with you.
A friend of mine has not been treated kindly through menopause. She suffered from terrible hot flashes, lost a lot of her once-lovely hair, and gained an enormous amount of weight. She has been to doctors, tried different supplements and hormone balancers, but nothing can seem to reverse the hair loss or weight gain.
I am younger than her by several years and have only just started perimenopause. I have spoken to my doctor in advance, knowing the possible unfortunate changes that can occur, and we are working together to prophylactically make sure I don’t suffer those same symptoms. My friend is so unhappy and miserable, that she speaks to me as though she wishes these things on me.
I’m almost afraid to see her as I have no symptoms, as of now, and know what to look out for. Obviously, everyone’s bodies are different, and we can’t compare. I know that, but I’m not sure she sees it as fair.
How do I maintain the friendship without this hanging over our heads?
Menopause Years
Your friend sounds unhappy, which makes sense after how you’ve described what she’s been through. But that’s no excuse to be unkind or wish unhappiness on you. That’s not very “friendly.”
Stay positive and proactive regarding your own health. If your friend comes after you, gently pull away. If she doesn’t get the hint, you may have to spell it out for her. Be kind, be yourself, but there’s no reason for you take friendly fire. It still burns.
FEEDBACK Regarding flipped the switch (Feb. 19):
Reader – “My friend had an abusive husband (physically, mentally and verbally). He was an uninterested dad, but not abusive with them. He was always a hard worker though, had a good job and they had a nice home.
“After several years of this, she picked up her kids, the furniture she brought into the marriage and their personal belongings and left him without a hint. Unlike his previous persona, he became kind, punctual and considerate. He continually asked to get back together, but she refused. He was always on time with the child support payments.
“She often said he ‘was a terrible husband’ but a ‘wonderful ex-husband.’
“The writer’s ex-husband might have seen the light or just wants her back. Either way, she should just sit back and thank her lucky stars.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the co-worker who misinterprets (Feb. 7):
Reader – “Is it only her or does she misinterpret everyone? If so, it could be, unscientifically, a brain thing. I knew someone who had the same problem.
“Why does the writer need to say, ‘just kidding?’ This indicates that she may be making jokes - which is a big mistake as the recipient is very unlikely to understand if she has cognitive issues.
“Use short declarative sentences and put each one on a fresh line. Most people seem to be more verbally oriented, and I’ve noticed how often they misinterpret the written word.”
Reader #2 – “The writer says, ‘I don’t like adding things such as ‘just kidding!’ - it feels unprofessional.’ I would say that if something requires ‘just kidding’ to keep it from being misinterpreted, it’s something that shouldn’t be said in the first place. Perhaps the writer should take a course in effective communication.”