My sister has started wearing a new style of makeup that’s just unsightly. She mixes colours that just don’t go, in my opinion, and she cakes on the foundation in a colour that doesn’t suit her skin tone.
How do I tell her, in the nicest possible way, that she needs to stop what she’s doing and find another palette?
Makeup Monster
The answer highly depends on the type of relationship you have with your sister. Some sisters can be brutally honest with each other, appreciating the no-holds-barred approach, knowing that each always has the other’s best interest at heart. Other sisters are incapable of hearing any type of criticism from each other.
If you’re the former, just say it out loud; if you’re the latter, don’t. National Sisters Day is the first Sunday in August; you may not want to wait that long, but you could give your sister the gift of a makeup session at her favourite beauty counter. Maybe her birthday is coming up, or some other holiday…. Easter Sunday is tomorrow….
My daughter and her boyfriend recently broke up. I was surprised at the timing because they had spent the summer travelling together, and most of the fall making their plans for next summer. My daughter said the decision was mutual, that they both just felt the need to spread their wings, but she hinted that it had been more one-sided from her, and that he had pretended to feel the same. I told her that he was being self-protective and not to hold it against him.
About a week after my daughter confided in me, I happened to bump into his mother at the grocery store. She asked after my daughter, and I asked after her son. She said he was being stoic and strong, and she hoped my daughter was OK. From the way she said it, I got the impression she thought he had dumped her. When I told my daughter that I had seen his mother, she burst into tears and told me the truth, that he had blindsided her and dumped her without any forewarning.
Now she’s inconsolable and I just feel so sad for her. This is only her second real relationship, and I think her first real “love.” How can I help her navigate this very traumatic experience?
Mama Bear
I’m so sorry for your daughter that she had to have her heart broken. That hurts. And though I am in no way diminishing her experience, it is a rite of passage that everyone goes through at some point in their lives. But don’t share that with her just now. That won’t make her feel any better.
Tell her all the things that your mom told you, that had you rolling your eyes back then. That you love her (she knows, but tell her anyway); that she’ll fall in love again (she can’t see past her tears, but it’ll float around in her brain); that he’s the one who made the biggest mistake (she wants to feel that but it hurts too much right now); and that the hurt will go away with time (this she won’t believe). And let her cry on your shoulder while you hold her tight, so she knows she is loved and supported.
Then keep her occupied – go to the movies, shopping (retail therapy always works), have a spa day, anything to pass the time and distract her. You and I both know she’ll get over him; it just takes time.
FEEDBACK Regarding the co-worker who misinterprets everything (Feb. 7):
Reader – “This co-worker may be autistic. Her anxiety triggered by incomplete or unclear verbal communication is the giveaway. Your suggestion of a private conversation to ask how her needs can be accommodated is spot on, because this woman either does not realize she is neurodivergent or is choosing for some reason to keep that knowledge to herself. Voice of experience here.”
Reader #2 – “I have lived this woman’s experience and believe that it stems from my penchant to be sarcastic. She mentions that she doesn’t like to say things like ‘just kidding.’ Perhaps the problem lies in her penchant for kidding.
“My wife tells me that some people just don’t ‘get’ my sense of humour. This has made me understand to turn down the sarcasm, especially in a work environment when clarity is extremely necessary. I ramp it back up for family, friends and acquaintances who know me better.”