Years ago, I was friends with a woman I met at school. We sat beside each other in class and from the minute we sat down, we just kept making each other laugh. I didn’t even catch her name that first day but sat in the same seat the following class hoping she would find me.

After a few classes of hilarious laughter, we decided to study together. Honestly, I don’t know how either of us passed that course. We just laughed and laughed. We spent a lot of time together that year, but when summer came, we went our separate ways. We didn’t keep in touch because we were both busy doing other things. It was also before social media and technology.

I assumed we’d pick up where we left off once school started again. But she never responded to any of my messages. She wasn’t in any of my classes. She was never at any of our usual spots. I didn’t know that much about her. In fact, I realized, I didn’t even know her last name.

It’s been 30 years since that friendship, and I still catch myself thinking about her. Until just recently when her photo popped up in the news. A cold case that had been solved. My friend had gone missing that summer, unbeknownst to me. She had apparently gone hiking, alone, tripped and fell into a cavern, knocking herself unconscious. But then, never found until now.

I feel like a terrible friend for not having looked harder for her when she was a no-show at school. I’m having nightmares. What do I do?

Lost Friend

It’s important that you seek professional help to work through your emotions and to understand that you are NOT responsible for this woman’s demise in any way. Even if you had known her last name, it wouldn’t have mattered. It sounds as though she died that same summer, which would have been before you noticed she was missing.

You could reach out to her family, if you have something warm and positive to share about their person. I imagine a grieving parent would always want to hear something nice about their child, no matter how long ago they died.

But this was an accident that you could not have prevented, in any way. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Talk it through with a professional to help you get some closure.

I’ve recently started dating a woman I met at a movie. Sounds implausible, I know, but we ended up sitting beside each other in a crowded theatre. She was with two friends, and I was with two friends. When the movie ended and the lights came on, my friends knew her friends and vice versa. We decided to all go and grab a drink after the show.

It’s been about two months, and I really like this woman. She’s funny and sweet, shy but outspoken, and exudes joy. I just want to spend every minute with her, which I know is a little too much so soon into our relationship. How do I play this right, so I don’t lose her before we’re even anything?

Smitten

Whoa! Slow down, my friend. I love your exuberance and your passion, but you don’t want to come on too strong right out of the gate. That tends to scare people off. On the flip side, I don’t like thinking about relationships as a game to be played. You must be true to yourself and your feelings.

I suggest being honest. Tell this woman that you love being around her because her joy rubs off on you. See how she reacts to that.

FEEDBACK Regarding if you see something, say something (Jan. 20):

Reader – “The woman should have spoken to staff.  The suspicious activity may well have been captured on security cameras, and her observations might have been helpful in at least barring this man from the store.

“Theft is not a victimless crime - customers pay more for their groceries and other things as a result. In some cities, stores have simply closed due to the amount of theft.  If the same person simply helped himself to something you had purchased, would you feel the same way?

“There’s no excuse for theft.  It’s a crime.”

Reader #2 – “Hard to know what the man was doing. I went shopping to buy only one thing, figured I'll just carry it in my hand. But also saw other things I use. Too much to carry, put the extras in my pockets and pulled them out at the checkout.

“Maybe he was doing something similar? Unless he was followed to the checkout we'll never know.”