How are some people still stuck in high school?!? I’m in my 40s! High school was 25 years ago! Yes, it was important and formative, but it was a long time ago. Move on, people! Grow up!

I recently went to an event that I knew would bring everyone out. I knew I’d see a ton of people from my past, and I was looking forward to it. I went with two of my friends from camp (we met at 10 years old), and two of my friends from high school, who all happen to be friends from various avenues.

Anyway, there we were, enjoying the show, having a few drinks, saying hi to loads of people, when I noticed two women and a man staring at our little group. I didn’t recognize them from afar (and it was dark in the venue), so I didn’t react. We continued to enjoy ourselves, when about an hour later, this threesome marched over to our group, said hello and started berating one of my friends. Suddenly, it seemed, they were back in a conversation I didn’t understand.

One of the other women pushed my friend, which then pissed off one of my other friends and a small fight broke out that we contained quickly. But my question is, why are people so stuck in a life that is no longer?

Immature

For the same reasons that you are still friends with the people you met at camp when you were barely double digits, and also friends with people from high school: these are formative years, times when we create core memories. Some of those memories are good; some are not so good. Your friendships are part of the good; this group had an issue stemming from a deep-rooted unpleasant core memory. For whatever reason, the issue was never resolved. That’s how they were able, all of them, to jump right back into the conversation – because it never ended, for better or worse.

If your friend is over it, whatever “it” is, then she should just walk away with her dignity intact. If it’s unresolved for her as well, then perhaps she should talk it through with a therapist and/or meet with the other person and deal with it as two adults.

Unfortunately, we don’t know what the issue is/was, and we don’t know how the other person feels, other than it obviously still hurts. They also need to get over it, with the help of a therapist and/or talking it out with your friend.

Until they’ve both worked through it, they’re going to stay “in high school” when it comes to this issue.

I love my grandmother and I know I’m lucky to still have her. We speak on the phone every day, at some point, and I try to play an online game with her once during the day. She doesn’t like to go out in this weather, afraid she’ll slip and fall, and she can’t seem to dress warmly enough so she’s always cold. As a result, I do her grocery shopping, her drugstore needs, and anything else she needs. My mom takes her to most of her appointments, and my cousin goes with her to get her hair and nails done.

How can I get her to stop commenting on the price of everything? I’m just not going to one store for tomatoes and another for bananas because they’re 20 cents less.

Frustrated

Let it go. Say you ran out of time, you forgot, anything. But don’t argue with her. She’s still here, eating, living and loving you. Just enjoy her.

FEEDBACK Regarding swearing (Oct. 27; Jan.14):

Reader – “You mentioned that a solution to a child swearing could be washing a child’s mouth out with soap. This is abusive. It’s invasive. Having an adult unwillingly forcing something in your mouth isn’t sending a good message to the child. Even forcing a delicious piece of cake into a child’s mouth is abusive if they didn’t consent.

A Mom

Lisi – Totally agree! It wasn’t MY solution. It was another reader.

FEEDBACK Regarding bereft mom (Jan. 12):
Reader – “As a long-time member of Overeaters Anonymous (both for overeating and undereating), I was moved by this mother's legitimate alarm about her daughter's obvious anorexia. Anorexia, like any serious eating disorder, can be life-threatening. It destroys one's physical and emotional health. It also continues to stump experts from physicians to psychologists.

“Overeaters Anonymous - strongly built on AA's lifesaving twelve steps - offers many online meetings with a special focus on recovery from anorexia and bulimia. It saved my life.”