I am a hugely generous person. I’m not praising myself, I just know that’s how I was raised and that’s who I’ve always been. I was always the kid who was happy to share toys and books with friends. My sister used to get in big fights with her friends over shared clothes, which I never understood.

My life is good; and I’m happy. I got married a few years ago and my wife has always been supportive of my generous nature. Over the years, I have chosen different charities to contribute to, and for various reasons, I have added others or stopped giving to some. My money, my choice.

We now have two young children who are healthy, and both my wife and I have good, solid careers. Yes, I have more daily outlay now: a mortgage, car payments, a nanny, utility bills, children’s activities, etc. I get it. And as mentioned, I have changed some of the charities I support. But now my wife wants me to stop giving – to charities, my sister, everyone!

How can I convey the message to her that giving is in my DNA, it’s who I am, and I don’t want to stop being that person? I like to give gifts, whether monetary, or something I saw that I know someone I love will enjoy. Obviously, I love my wife and want her to be happy, but this is a solid deal-breaker for me. What do I do?

Generous George

If being charitable is who you are, then she knows that about you. So, either something has changed, or she’s scared about something.

I strongly suggest you sit down with a financial planner – even if you are one yourself – and look at your financial situation. Emotionless, no bias, just dollars and cents. Look at your income vs. your outlay. Look at how much you give in charitable donations that affect your taxes at the end of the year. Look at how much you spend on gifts. With the help of that financial planner, give yourself a budget for both charitable donations and gifts. Now show your wife.

Hopefully she can see that you are taking her wishes to heart and not just giving away the farm, willy-nilly. Show her that you understand that you have expenses, that she matters, that your children matter – but you STILL have enough to make donations and feel generous. And agree that if there are any major changes, for example, a change in job, a health crisis, children’s needs, that you will take that into consideration and re-evaluate your giving, with her and your family always top of mind.

My neighbour borrowed my snowblower, again, without asking, and returned it broken. I don’t mind lending it out; it’s an expensive purchase and I’m happy to share. I also told him just to grab it whenever he needs it, but just to message me in case I’ve lent it out.

But to return it broken is unbelievable. I’m shocked! Do I call him and ask him what happened? Do I ask him to get it repaired, or at least pay for the repair? How do I deal with this?

Neighbours

Yes, I would absolutely ask him what happened. Why not? If he’s pretending it wasn’t him, by not mentioning it, then he may still play that card. But if you don’t ask, he won’t have the opportunity to do the right thing.

If he maintains innocence, he’s only shooting himself in the foot, because he’s now ended your kindness. You won’t be loaning him your lawnmower either. His choice.

But yes, a royal pain for you, especially while it’s still snowing.

FEEDBACK Regarding alone and unwell (Jan. 14):

Reader – “They reference ‘a barrage of tests’ which have apparently resulted in no objective findings of physical illness. This suggests that the complaints have been taken seriously and were appropriately investigated. The person’s complaints are highly suggestive of a Health Anxiety Disorder that should at the very least be properly assessed by a knowledgeable professional. This is not to say they are fabricating their symptoms, but that there is real suffering happening that deserves targeted attention.

“Untreated psychological disorders of this magnitude pose serious harm and need to be managed properly. Guiding a person toward continuing physical investigations that have a real possibility of being disappointing and stressful is doing them a disservice.”

Lisi – It’s not my place to diagnose physical or mental health ailments. If neither she nor her doctor are pointing her in a psychological direction, then perhaps her complaints are not as suggestive as you believe.