My neighbours are big people. He’s 6’7” and she’s 5’10” and prone to wearing heels. She’s also a larger boned woman, so verging on heavy set. I’m only painting this picture because they also have very big personalities and voices. They are very loud and boisterous.
None of the above bothers me, except for the fact that they also carry themselves as though they lord over everyone else. Their height has them physically looking down on people but they’re also condescending in speech and manner.
And to top it off, they have just purchased a HUGE mastiff, one of the largest dog breeds out there.
For the most part, they’re nice. But any conversation deeper than, “is it recycle or garbage day?” turns into them talking over me, dripping their know-it-all attitude about anything and everything.
How do I deal with them?
Know-it-all Neighbours
Why do you have to deal with them at all? Keep it simple, as you mentioned, about nothing more important than garbage and snow shovelling. Don’t engage in conversation about anything that would allow them the opportunity to belittle or condescend.
And unless their dog, or their noise, is infringing on your life, keep your distance.
My partner was abusive for many years. I’m only lucky that I got away. It took me a long time to come to the realization that I didn’t deserve what he was dishing out. And then to make a solid exit plan.
At first, I was incredulous and in disbelief that my partner could hurt me. He wasn’t the same man I had fallen in love with; that man would never lay a hand on me. I thought it was a one-off. I told no one.
Then I lived in fear that he would do it again. And he didn’t, for a long time. But that fear never left me; it changed me. People noticed and asked if I was OK, but there was nothing outward, nothing to see, and I said I was fine. I was so ashamed!
My sister figured it out, and with help from both her and our mom, we came up with a plan that was safe and permanent, for me to leave. They had to change their lives dramatically for me, and I’m forever grateful.
How long will I continue to look over my shoulder?
Beaten
According to my research, one in four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. And that stat represents women in the U.S., the U.K., Australia and Canada.
Domestic abuse can happen to women in any background, any walk of life, any income bracket. An abuser doesn’t care, if that’s their mentality.
You’re so fortunate to have had people who recognized the change enough to know something was terribly wrong, and then to do something about it. The isolating nature of abuse, both out of fear and shame, can be a reason why women stay in abusive relationships for as long as they do.
It would benefit you to talk this through with a professional. It’s important to understand that none of what happened to you was your fault. You were a victim of your abuser, and not the other way around. Surround yourself with loved ones.
The Barbra Schlifer Commemorative Clinic (schliferclinic.ca) offers legal advice and counselling to women and gender diverse people who have survived violence. DomesticShelters.org is another good source.
Reader’s Commentary Regarding any alcohol or drug addictions or abuse:
“When your readers contact you regarding alcohol or drug issues, it would be VERY beneficial for you to refer them to the 12 step programs for addicts: Alcoholics Anonymous is a program for alcoholics. AL-ANON is a program for anyone affected by alcohol, including family and friends of alcoholics. Narcotics Anonymous (sometimes called Nar-Anon) is a program for drug addicts.
“I have personally attended these meetings and AL-ANON changed my life! All addictions affect family members and they need support too.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the sister who disappeared to Costa Rica leaving her aging dad behind (Dec. 4):
Reader – “Look to your dad’s personal care provider for a care manager who may have resources for you. If none, then invest in a geriatric care manager who can assist you within budget. Also research adult day care for while you are at work. Good luck!”