My wife has asked me for a divorce. What a way to end the year! I had a feeling something was going on with her, but whenever I tried to talk about it, she would brush me off and say everything was fine, she was just going through some stuff. When I tried to discuss the “stuff” with her, she would say she needed to work it out for herself.

I also asked her if she was having an affair because she spends an inordinate amount of time with a man she works with, in and out of the office. They work in real estate, so they’re always driving around, looking at homes, supposedly helping each other out. I’ve met this man several times and he seemed nice but not threatening. He’s also married with two young children.

Last week, a friend of mine called to ask if everything was OK. I replied, “yeah, why?” And he said, “I hate to tell you but I saw your wife kissing a man on the street.” I thanked him, hung up and drove over to my wife’s office. She was shocked to see me! I asked her to join me for a coffee and a walk. She did, and while out, I told her that I knew she was having an affair.

She looked at me, lied to my face, then retracted and said, “I want a divorce.” Now what?

Holiday hell

Now you call a divorce lawyer. Your wife has lied to you, is having an affair, and no longer wants to be married to you. I think it’s clear that your marriage is over, so contact a lawyer.

This isn’t going to be a fun time, nor is it going to be inexpensive, but I don’t see another option. There are two main issues that will make this harder and more painful: if you still love her, and/or if you have young children. You will all be fine, but it’ll just make things harder.

I believe in karma and what goes around often comes around. Your wife disrespected you (and your children); it hasn’t gone unnoticed. Hold your head high and live your life. She doesn’t deserve you.

I recently signed up for a yoga retreat that was advertised as for both men and women, between the ages of 30-50. It’s planned for a strange time of year and none of my friends could get away from family or work. I had the time and really wanted to go, so I opted to go alone.

I was so looking forward to it, that when they sent out a final reminder for the cancellation date, I barely looked at the email. The next day, they sent out the list of attendees. It’s ALL men save for THREE women, and the other two are in their 20s, and rooming together.

I called the organizers and said I wanted to cancel, and they said the deadline to cancel was at midnight the day BEFORE they released the list of attendees! I expressed my annoyance at the incongruousness of that and wondered who I was going to room with. At first, they said I had to pay more for a single room, which I balked at, obviously. But still – I don’t want to go! What do I do?

Yoga Yuck

I believe you need to speak with the president of this company. You’re one day past the deadline and they have put you in an awkward situation, that you cannot tolerate. At the same time, beg one of your friends to join you. Hopefully someone will say yes, or you’ll be released from your agreement. It’ll work out.

FEEDBACK Regarding living alone (Sept. 30):
Reader – “You said something about how important it is to live on your own at least once in your life. This was something that I stressed to both my children. I've always thought it was a major mistake to go from your parental home straight into a marriage or living with someone.

“Everyone needs to have the experience of looking after oneself and a life without having to account to someone else.

“The advice you gave to that individual, regardless of gender, is the most important and probably life-altering thing they will ever hear.”

Reader #2 – “May I suggest an alarm system and a cat? When getting a dog, you must be prepared to walk it for years.  And that’s not guaranteed at 68.

“I’m 67 and recently developed a condition where I’m unable to walk our dog. However, we have a cat that I can care for without trouble, and he’s an excellent companion.”