Dear Readers – As always, I submit my columns a few weeks in advance. This one came in at the perfect time.

It’s Christmas Day and I’ve woken up alone, again. OK, so it’s not Christmas Day yet, but I know exactly how I’m going to feel when I wake up alone. I remember exactly what it was like to wake up on Christmas morning as a child, and even as a teenager. Once I hit my 20s, things changed but I was never alone. But now, for the past few years, I’m all alone.

My dad lives in another country, and my mom has passed away. My sister lives in another city with her husband and children and has never invited me to join them. I don’t know what happened to my life, but I’m so sad just thinking about the holiday and what sadness it will bring me.

What can I do to stop this depressing feeling overwhelming me?

Bah Humbug!

This is for anyone and everyone out there today, on Christmas, who feels lonely: walk over to any church and see what they have going on. Some churches have morning services, some at lunch, some in the afternoon, and others in the evening. Many put on a free meal for community members with nowhere to go. Also, check with your local community centre. They also often put on a meal or a celebratory drop in. Ask around and find out when people are going carolling and ask to join.

And call around to your friends and family and see if anyone would like to go for a walk, grab a coffee or a drink at the bar. Be proactive! You could also go to the movies and lose yourself in some Hollywood for a few hours.

Last year, on Christmas Day, my fiancée accepted my marriage proposal. A week later she was on life support after being rear-ended by a drunk driver. She never came off. They said I was in shock for the first few months, then completely consumed with guilt and grief. I feel I’ve come through the other side, but I’m extremely anxious for this holiday season.

I fear I may be triggered and overwhelmed. My family and friends are all rallying around me, everyone walking on eggshells, trying not to upset me. I appreciate their concern, but their sweetness is too obviously forced. I just want everyone to be normal, but still sympathetic.

Or maybe I should just avoid all things Christmas?

Devastated

Unfortunately, no matter where you go, you’ll come face to face with Christmas. It’s a universal holiday, celebrated globally. I think you’re best to be surrounded by friends and family on this, your first Christmas since the accident and losing your fiancée. Yes, I have no doubt you will be triggered, and I expect you’ll have a meltdown at some point. That’s normal and to be expected. You suffered a traumatic loss.

Lean into your friends and family. Let them take care of you. Let them shower you with love and happiness. Your cup needs filling and they’re the best people to do it.

No one can change the tragic events of last year’s holiday season. And sadly, the incident and the devastation will be with you forever. I am certain that your late fiancée’s family would love to hear from you, and spend time with you, too. Perhaps you could try to spend time with them.

You lost a fiancée, and a whole future together. But you’re young and you’ll still have that future. They lost their daughter and their future son-in-law. They’ll need extra love and support as well this holiday.

FEEDBACK Regarding the birthday grinch (Sept. 23):
Reader – “I’m not sure what birthday trauma this husband may have experienced in the past, but he could feign interest in celebrating for the sake of his children and wife. We all have things we don't particularly want to do. But we make little sacrifices to provide joy to those around us. I once attended a hockey game, which I detest, only because I knew my husband would be thrilled. I was happy just seeing how excited he was.

“Could this husband ask for just a small immediate family gathering for his birthday, then graciously accept the gifts from his children, blow out his candles, and feel good that he had provided some joy to his family?  Maybe for one day he could forget about himself and think of others.”

Lisi – I included this message because hopefully it can apply to anyone feeling grinchy today, on Christmas Day.