There’s something wrong with my cousin. She sees the whole world from a glass half empty viewpoint. If you say to her something as unimportant as “it’s so beautiful and sunny today,” she’ll reply with, “Yeah, but it’s going to rain tomorrow.”

My young son was playing around in the kitchen and got pepper in his eye. As you can imagine, his eye was red and itchy. She decided it was pink eye and was pushing me to take him to the doctor EVEN THOUGH I told her why his eye was like that.

I was at a basketball game with my daughter, and her team was killing it! She was playing so well, and we spectators were yelling with excitement! The next day I woke up and had lost my voice. I wasn’t surprised, upset or concerned. My cousin, however, insisted I had laryngitis and came over wearing a mask.

I love her and she’s a close member of my family and a friend. But I don’t want her crazy to spill on to my children, and sometimes I just can’t take it!

How do I deal with this?

Negative Nellie

Your cousin has strong worries, and perhaps anxiety issues. I’m not diagnosing, just suspecting. She may not realize just how negative her comments sound. Also, one negative comment in the sea of a running conversation can be overlooked, but if the negatives outnumber the positives, it can become all you hear.

Talk to her about it gently. If she genuinely didn’t realize, create a code word, something fun and silly, like “bananas” that you’ll say whenever you hear something unnecessarily negative. This could help if she’s open to it.

If, however, she feels that you’re barking up the wrong tree, making things up and hasn’t a clue what you’re referring to, best to try a different tactic. If it’s just too much for you, you could simply pull back on how much time you spend together or talk on the phone. If she doesn’t notice, no love lost. If she does and asks why you’ve been distant, you could tell her, using specific examples.

As for your children, if your cousin goes negative when around them, you can simply interject with whatever you deem appropriate. In the case of the pepper eye, you can say to her, in front of your son, “please don’t project your unfounded fears. We told you it was pepper. It is definitively NOT conjunctivitis.”

My daughter doesn’t seem to be maturing at the same speed as her friends and I’m not sure what to do about it. She’s in second year university at a school that is only 45 minutes away from our home. We were willing to send her anywhere, in hopes that she would get some life experience and mature. It doesn’t seem to be happening.

She begs my husband to pick her up at least every other weekend or gets a ride with friends. She brings her laundry home, starts a load, but then forgets about it. I end up finishing that load and sometimes starting another for her. If we’re going out for dinner, she’ll join us; if we’re eating at home, she’ll eat whatever’s there.

It’s as though she has one foot still in her bedroom. How can we help her?

Immature

It sounds like she has failure to launch syndrome (again, not diagnosing), which can be overcome. I suggest your daughter finds a professional to speak with, to discuss her life. Perhaps she has underlying fears, anxieties, self-confidence issues. Hopefully, she can pinpoint what’s holding her back and then engage you in the conversation. As her parents, you might be given an agenda to help her.

FEEDBACK Regarding returning to the office (Sept. 15):

Reader – “I worked my whole life and travelled every day. On good days, one hour there and back. I took early retirement right before COVID.

“Ever since COVID, many people have refused to go back to work in person. I understand that you can work efficiently from home, but it’s not the same as being in the office. What everyone needs to remember is that your employer hired you to come to work every day. The working from home was a ‘temporary’ solution to a pandemic. Everyone has a personal life that they take seriously, but why should that affect your work? Most people have had to go back to full time in person.

“Employers have it hard enough. So, if this employee thinks it's stressful for them to go back to the office once a week, just think of the stress for this employer.”