I have to spend Christmas eve at my sister-in-law’s this year and I’m dreading it. I’ll do the right thing (according to my mother) and ask her what I can bring. She’ll then give me a list of several things to choose from. I’ll choose one and she’ll then confirm that I’ve chosen a different item. One year, this went back and forth several times; I arrived with the item I had originally chosen, and she spent the night chastising me for making the wrong thing.

The same thing happened another year, so I made whatever she said I had chosen – and I still got chastised because according to her, it wasn’t up to standard.

I work full-time, I’m not a baker, and I try my best. Her goal is to annoy and upset me and I’m not sure why. Her husband is lovely, as are her children.

How do I deal with this issue for this Christmas?

In-laws

It’s early enough that you can get ahead of this issue. Text (or email) your sister-in-law and ask her what she’d like you to bring (don’t use the word “make”). Then confirm IN WRITING what you will be bringing. If it’s baked goods she wants and you’re not a baker, buy the cookies, or cake or whatever she’s requested. If she’s asked you for a savoury dish and you just don’t feel you have the time, find a restaurant or catering company who will make it for you.

Many restaurants do catering at this time of year, as do some small boutique grocery stores. Yes, it may cost you a little bit more, but the reduction in stress may be worth it. Then walk in, with your head held high and your offerings on nice platters. If she makes any comment as to you bringing the wrong thing, pull up the email and say, “I don’t think so. I have our communication right here.”

If she makes any comment about your cooking, just laugh and say, “I’ll let the store/caterer/restaurant know your thoughts.” Then walk away and enjoy the rest of her family.

Recently, while attending a family friendly event, I tried to be silly with an eight-year-old little girl. I’m usually quite good with children and they like me. I make them laugh and talk to them not like an adult, but not as though they are children, if that makes sense. She wasn’t having it. She replied with such attitude!

To be honest, I found her rude and sassy. And I was shocked because her mother didn’t say anything to her. And she kept at it! Not just one sassy comment, but repeatedly.

I’m a senior citizen, someone to be respected, not dismissed. I was just about to chastise this young girl’s mother, when my daughter called for me to come and meet someone.

Later I told her about it and she agreed with me, but she only has sons. I raised her to be respectful to everyone – adults, peers, and strangers. What was this mother thinking?

Sassy Pants

I can’t tell you why the mother you’re referring to allowed her daughter to speak to you that way. It sounds as though she was being disrespectful, which is unacceptable.

I will say that I like when little girls have a bit of sass to them because it shows a strength of character, but there’s a time and place. To be sassy to you, an elderly woman just showing some kindness, is the wrong time and place – and her mother should have recognized that.

Let it go. She’s not your child, not your grandchild, not your problem.

FEEDBACK Regarding the friends looking for a threesome (Sept. 13):

Reader – “The husband was obviously appalled, and his wife indicated discomfort over the other couple’s behaviour. Whether a sexual advance is made by one person or a couple is irrelevant.  It’s the fact of the awkward and unwanted attempt at seduction.  Such attempts may come from the close same-sex friend of a straight individual, from the spouse of a friend, from a much older or younger acquaintance, from a boss or a couple of swingers.

“In all cases, the sexual advance should have been proceeded by words, ‘Would you be interested in…’

“One thing is certain: It is very difficult to resume a friendship with someone who engages in blatant sexual behaviour, when you find that behaviour repugnant.  And doubly difficult in this case since the couple was attempting to persuade the husband to cheat on his wife.  Not my idea of friends.”