My wife has been excessively drinking lately and I’m not sure what is going on with her. We’re not big drinkers at all. We don’t have wine with lunch or dinner; we don’t go out every weekend; we don’t really get drunk. But lately, my wife has been having a cocktail before dinner, and when she’s out with her friends, she comes home tanked.

I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but she brushes me off, saying that I’m blowing things out of proportion. We are empty nesters, both work, both have outside interests, and have a very nice life. Aside from this.

What do you think is going on and how can I reach out to her?

Drunk and Sober

I have no idea what is going on with your wife, and I wouldn’t hazard to guess. It could be a multitude of things or a combination of several. You need to talk to her – and more importantly, she needs to talk to you.

Are you close enough with any of her friends that you could broach the topic? Maybe just a passing remark, such as, “The last time you brought Sally home, she seemed more drunk than usual. Did you notice?” If she knows something, she may open up. Or she may not. Depends on what she knows.

For example, if the cause of the drinking is that she’s missing her grown children, the friend may share. But if the cause is that your wife is having an affair, she probably won’t share.

If nothing comes to light and you still can’t get through, I suggest meeting with a marriage counsellor.

My girlfriend is spending a lot of time with my roommate and it’s making me uncomfortable. She’s often already at my place when I get home from work, and often, I’ll find them on the couch together watching TV or playing video games. They don’t act weird when I walk in, and I’ve never caught them doing anything, but it’s all just a little too close for comfort for me.

I don’t want to say anything to him because he’s a sweet guy and a great roommate. He’s single, and I thought he was gay, but now I’m not sure. And I don’t want to say anything to her because I really like her and I want her to be comfortable at my place.

How do I deal with this?

Roommate Romance

You need to talk to your girlfriend. Your roommate is living in his home when your girlfriend walks in. If they’re having an affair, they’re both to blame – but she’s the one you need to speak to.

Just get it out there in bold. Tell her how you feel. If there’s something going on between them, you’ll know by her response. She may not realize how it looks when you come home and they’re hanging out on the couch. If she cares about you, things will change. If an argument ensues, then something’s not above board.

I strongly advise you to read between the lines. And go with your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

FEEDBACK Regarding the mom worried about her son riding a motorcycle (Sept. 4):

Reader – “A new motorcycle owner should take a defensive driving course above a motorcycle course. A course for automobiles is just as valuable as it reviews bad driving practices.

“With the statistics of grave injury and death, drivers should sign to be organ donors. The mother could ask if her son had signed the documents. It might impress upon him the consequences of a motorcycle vs. four wheeled vehicles.”

Reader #2 – “I am a senior citizen, riding motorcycles since 1965. I’m still alive, fully mobile, with all my limbs.

“I taught motorcycle safe riding courses with the Canada Safety Council for several years in the 1970s and 1980s; a decade after I first started riding. All my Canada Safety Council fellow instructors are still alive and well, 45 years later, and all my [then teenaged] riding friends from 60 years ago are alive and well today.

“Her son seems very responsible - graduated from university, handled side jobs during school, took riding lessons - and then earned his license and bought the bike.

“Motorcycles - like skydiving, electric scooters, mountain climbing, white water kayaking - have inherent risks; the trick is to manage the risk and take all available safety precautions. This guy has a head on his shoulders and would be more likely [than the average new rider] to assess risks, and ride accordingly, each day.”