I breastfed my daughter until she was three. I was judged from the day she was born, so I didn’t care what people thought as she got older. I remember being in a coffee shop when she was four months old. She hadn’t even started eating any solid foods yet and as I sat nursing her, a man walked by and muttered under his breath, but loud enough for me to hear the word, “disgusting.”

I burst into tears and hugged my baby close. It was quiet in the café, which is why I had thought it was a safe place to nurse, so no one saw or heard the man. One woman came over to ask if I was OK, but there was no point in telling her what happened.

As my baby grew, we found it a very special bonding time, and since she was healthy, I couldn’t see any reason to stop. I had checkups with her pediatrician and my OB/GYN, and they both agreed I could continue.

They said I would know when the time was right to stop. And eventually, I did. But I did it on my terms. Sadly, I can still hear that man in my ear. Why am I still letting it bother me?

Mama Bear

There are some things we can just never forget. For whatever reason, the how, who, where what lands so deeply that we can’t shake it. With a four-month-old baby, I have no doubt that you were physically and mentally exhausted. You may have also been experiencing some form of postpartum sadness.

In my opinion and experience, you were doing the best thing you could for your baby. Women who are fortunate enough to produce milk after childbirth are meant to give that nourishment to their infant. That’s how the human body works.

I’m not judging those whose milk never came in, or who couldn’t produce enough to satisfy their baby, or those who chose not to breastfeed for whatever reason. I’m simply stating the known fact that women’s breasts become a lifeline for their babies and breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world.

But not everyone finds the beauty in the human body. Clearly, this man was one of those people. He just got you on the wrong day at the wrong time.

Try to forget it. Try to let it fade. Be proud of how you nourished your healthy baby. Be proud of the connection you created with her. Don’t let anyone else’s personal issues taint the choices you made.

Whenever I’m in the shower and my boyfriend “catches” me in there, he strips off to join me. At first, I thought it was loving. And sexy. But I’m not ALWAYS in the mood when I’m in the shower. Sometimes I’m pressed for time and need to get out. But he gets so upset if I don’t return his desire.

I’ve also realized that whenever we’re in the shower, he likes to do it from behind. I don’t have a problem with this position except I often get light-headed from the heat and steam.

How can I get my boyfriend to back down?

Wet Dog

Your health matters – as does your consent. You don’t HAVE to agree to have sex with your boyfriend whenever he wants it. And you don’t have to risk getting light-headed for his pleasure.

Tell him how you feel. Maybe have a code, like a door sign, for those times you just don’t feel like having sex. And I strongly suggest you be careful doing it doggy style in the heat.

FEEDBACK Regarding tea bagging (Aug. 30):
Reader – “My son was ‘tea bagged’ by a friend.  It is called tea bagging because the testicles are used as teabags on the eyes.  This is nothing short of sexual assault.”

Lisi – I’m not sure the perpetrator was an actual friend.

FEEDBACK Regarding the meetup on vacation (Sept. 3):

Reader – “What if the guy is working for a human trafficking organization? The fact that he paid for everyone’s drinks implies he has funds at a young age, although his profession was not mentioned.

“I might have suggested they investigate this guy and do a full background check before having him anywhere near the house. It made me think of the young woman who disappeared while on a cruise and her parents were OK with her staying out drinking and she vanished….and it’s thought now that she might be a victim of sex trafficking.”