I think my mom is keeping a big secret from me and I don’t know how to handle it. She and my dad divorced about five years ago, and he’s already remarried. My parents don’t talk much, but if anything ever needs to be discussed regarding my sibling and me, they figure it out. I’m not in on these conversations, but everything seems to run smoothly, so I assume they figure out a way.

My mom was dating someone for a while, and I thought it was going well. Suddenly, it was over, and my mom is super sad. Something seems off about the whole thing and I don’t know what it is.

I want to be there for my mom and support her through whatever she’s going through, but I’m not sure how to approach her since she’s not opening up to me.

What can I do?

Sad Mom, Sad daughter

I can’t quite decipher how old you are, which would make a difference here, but I’m leaning toward a young teenager. Which is probably why your mom isn’t sharing all the information with you. She is probably trying to protect you, as moms do, and shield you from any more pain, since you’ve already gone through enough with your parents’ divorce.

With that in mind, you could say to your mom quietly that you can see that she’s upset and you’d like to give her emotional support and be there for her any way she’ll let you.

Also, I get the impression that her tears are frightening to you because you don’t know what it’s about. Tell her that information is always better than imagination, and you’d like to have a clue what’s going on because your mind is filled with what ifs.

That should spur her on to tell you something, even if it’s not the whole truth.

My sister married a man with a lot of money. He didn’t make the money himself; it was handed down to him from his parents. He’s not a great guy. He thinks he’s all that but does absolutely nothing with his life.

My sister is a chiropractor and loves what she does. When they first started dating, he would sweep her off her feet with big gestures. Their wedding was a fairytale, and he was very sweet and generous with her and all her family.

He was a very hands-on dad when they had their babies, hired lots of help and she was able to go back to work part-time after six months because she wanted to.

But now that the children are in school full-time, and she is back to work full-time, he is bored and has nothing to do. To gain my sister’s attention, he is pulling manoeuvers, such as, not answering his phone for an entire day, then pretending he was meditating; or disappearing overnight, saying he told her he was going camping for the night. On those occasions, I am her go-to person when she’s hysterical wondering where he is.

How do I get her to see that he’s playing foolish, childish games and she doesn’t deserve that?

Not Good for her

Your brother-in-law does sound spoiled and bored, and he shouldn’t be playing games with your sister. But you’re too involved. They need a marriage counsellor to tell him to find a hobby and leave his wife to do her job. To show him that his manipulation is pushing her away.

It's up to them to find the right balance to make their marriage work. You just need to be around to support your sister.

Still, you need to stay out of their marriage.

FEEDBACK Regarding the girlfriend moving to Los Angeles (June 17):

Reader – “Both of them seem to have many misconceptions about working as an actor in Canada.  The Canadian actors who have become successful in the U.S.  ALL started their careers in Canada. There are also lots of working actors who stay in Canada and make a decent living.

“She can't just move to L.A. and get work.  She'll need a work visa and to get it, she'll need to have credits as an actor (in Canada), and a job offer.  She'll also need to get an agent in the U.S.

“Certainly, acting opportunities in small-town Canada are limited. But rather than moving to L.A., she should consider moving to Toronto or Vancouver where there are acting opportunities.

“Rather than helping her pack, her beau should be helping her research what she needs to do to become a working actor in Canada.  And maybe also research acting classes so she can improve.”