I met my husband when we were teenagers. He was the sportiest guy in high school, the epitome of a “jock.” But he was kind, smart and sweet to everyone. We dated on and off through college, but I always knew I’d marry him.

Right after senior year, he went on holiday with some friends in Europe. They were in a tragic accident, that left one dead and one without a leg. It was a mess getting them home, with the pressure of time not on our side, with hopes of saving his friend’s life and his leg. I was also away but cut my trip short and rushed home to be with him, even though we weren’t together.

I have been by his side ever since, helping him figure out his new body and dealing with the loss of his friend. The accident was in no way his fault, but he still feels the trauma. It’s been over a decade; we’re married; and we have one child with another on the way. I work as a nurse; he is an entrepreneur and high school coach.

My problem is that ever since the accident, my life has been all about my husband. I love him and I love our life. But I miss myself. How can I carve out time for ME, especially when I’m about to have another baby?

Losing It

I strongly suggest you speak to a professional therapist now, while you’re pregnant. This person can start helping you dig inside to find out what you mean exactly, and what you want to see from yourself. Additionally, this person can then monitor you after you have the baby, so you don’t fall into any postpartum depression if things don’t change as quickly as you would like.

A newborn, as you know, is all-encompassing and extremely time consuming. Days can go by, and you miss them in the cloudy state of feeding, napping, feeding, diaper changing, feeding, napping, etc. I don’t have to tell you because you’ve already been through it. I do think you need to be more prepared, and I believe you need to steel yourself for what’s about to happen.

You can’t stop this ride, so I strongly suggest you go with it and enjoy it. There’s nothing like a newborn smell, newborn nuzzles, the tiny body scrunch, that first smile…… So be prepared to lose YOU for a few months while simultaneously giving everything you’ve got to this little person. Don’t fight it. And then, when you can find your rhythm, start finding yourself and allowing your ME to come out.

Also, don’t leave your husband out of all of this. Bring him in so he knows how you feel. Tell him how he can help, if you know, and if you don’t know, say so. Let him try on his own.

Give yourself grace and space. And when you’re ready, find your inner light and shine.

Our neighbours moved in about three years ago. They undertook a massive renovation to their home and needed our permission to do so. We were co-operative and did everything in our power to help.

My son power washes their porch, and my daughter walks their dog every day after school that she doesn’t have ballet. I work from home so am often accepting deliveries for them. We have been kind at every turn.

They recently renovated their backyard and put in a sport court. They positioned it in the worst location for neighbourly kindness. We are very upset.

Noisy Neighbours

They could have consulted you. They didn’t. If it becomes a problem, say something. If it stays a problem, stop being so kind.

FEEDBACK Regarding incestuous affairs (May 20):

Reader – “Good heavens — I actually had to make a flow chart to figure this one out!”

Reader #2 – “Too muck yakking going on. This is not complicated unless the gossips make it so. The only conversations necessary are between the cheaters and their spouses. Everybody else needs to butt out and zip it. Their input, solicited or not, only muddies a tense situation.”

FEEDBACK Regarding our adopted sister (May 21):
Reader – “My guess is the ‘adopted’ sister is an adopted first cousin; that’s why the grandparents were so hands on in the raising of the two eldest girls.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the secrets (May 22):
Reader - “I could not disagree more that she should speak to her cousin. I think this is a clear case of MYOB but keep ears open. Based on a personal similar situation, I would strongly suspect that people already know.”