I am flabbergasted by something my friend has recently done. I love this person, as a dear and wonderful friend. He just told me that he’s leaving his wife of many years and his children. He also told me that he’s been having an ongoing affair with a younger woman for years.

Why? Why do men cheat on their wives? I guess I could ask the question in reverse, as I’m sure many women cheat on their husbands. But I don’t know any, so I’m just annoyed at men in general right now.

I don’t know if I want to be friends with this person anymore. He’s been lying and cheating on his wife for years. Well, he’s essentially been lying to me for years too. He admitted that many times when he said he was busy and gave a legit excuse (that I never questioned), he was with his side piece.

I am so upset and disgusted with his behaviour. I just want to wrap my arms around his wife and protect her from any more of his shenanigans. She is very good friends with my wife and so I will be seeing her in the future. But he was a very close friend to me. I feel he has crossed a line I don’t see him ever coming back from.

How am I supposed to react and behave? Is there an etiquette rule I don’t know about? Can you help?

Cheated

I understand your despair. In essence, this friend cheated on you. For his own benefit, he lied to you on several occasions. I don’t think you owe him the time of day. I’ve said it multiple times: you can fall out of love with your partner/spouse; you can fall in love/lust with someone outside of your relationship; just end one before starting the other because too many people get hurt along the way.

I would wrap your arms around his soon-to-be ex-wife and include her in anything and everything that you and your wife do, from grocery shopping to going to the theatre. Just keep her busy and engaged. You don’t have to ever say anything to your ex-friend again, or…. You could meet him in a public space, like a coffee shop or restaurant, and have a sincere discussion with him about his actions. I mentioned the public space so you aren’t in a situation where you physically assault him, though I feel you may want to.

If your feelings become overwhelming, or grow stronger, it would behoove you to speak to a professional to work through why this is so upsetting to you. I’m not in any way suggesting your feelings are unwarranted. I’m simply suggesting you may want to work through the anger and disgust to help you move forward.

My senior uncle always kisses me on the lips when we see each other, both at hello and goodbye. I find it strange and uncomfortable. I’m a 28-year-old hetero guy. He’s always done it, and he kisses everyone the same way. I’m just creeped out by it.

How can I stop the mouth kissing?

Creepy Uncle

Turn your cheek, quickly. Put out your hand to shake his and say you have a cold, so no kissing. If he calls you out for always having a cold, tell him you have a weak immune system and need to protect yourself.

If none of those work, say goodbye from afar, when you’ve already walked out of the house. Last straw would be to speak with the closest person to you with whom he’s related and explain your predicament.

Do whatever you can to not hurt his feelings.

FEEDBACK Regarding the baby daddy (May 12):
Reader – “His heart may be in the right place, but his head is not. Does his wife want a baby, or does she want a baby with her husband?

“My cousin adopted a four-year-old girl. Her biological mother was a drug addicted single mother. What kind of life would she have had?  I recently met her at my uncle’s funeral (cousin’s father), and she is a well-adjusted 18-year-old, plotting her college future.  Yes, I know she’s adopted, but she’s very much part of the family.

“Some lucky child will get a set of awesome loving parents. A friend of my mother (Caucasian) adopted a girl from Japan. And her parents have kept her Japanese culture and heritage alive.

“My advice to this guy is to get over the biology and seriously explore the options presented by Lisi.”