I joined a Pickleball club late this spring. I thought it would be a fun activity to do this summer. My boyfriend and I broke up mid-winter and I’ve been feeling blue. My family and friends all suggest I get out of the house more.

So, I joined this club hoping to make friends and meet new people. I joined over the phone, but the first day there, I was accosted by a group of members looking for a fourth for the doubles’ tournament that was starting a few weeks later.

They were so overzealous, it was impossible to say no, even though I assured them I was a terrible player, and they would regret it. We started practicing and spending lots of time together and the laughter flowed easily. They were all very nice. My partner, a woman slightly older than me, became a fast friend and I looked forward to our daily meetups on the court.

The tournament started and most surprising, we came in second place. We were all so excited, we were jumping up and down, hugging, and then – she kissed me! It wasn’t intense, but it was on the lips, in front of everyone, longer than normal.

We went out for drinks afterwards as a big group, laughed and drank, and I pretended it didn’t happen. I’ve avoided her for a week, but I can’t hide out much longer. What should I do?

Not Into Women

You need to have a private conversation with this woman, and soon. Perhaps she was just overwhelmed with happiness and reacted. Perhaps she’s been falling for you this whole time. You won’t know unless you talk. And…. She deserves to know how you feel. She may be dying of embarrassment right now!

Be strong, tell her your truth – that you just want to be platonic friends – and don’t make a big thing out of the kiss, if possible. Then continue playing Pickleball!

A few years back I wrote about an adult son who gives me grief. He is 47 and lives out of the country. He is disrespectful, angry and volatile.

He is also brilliant and just wrote another acclaimed book and seems to function. He’s managed to pay off his home. He lives alone with his cat. His house is a mess; he’s a hoarder.

He is controlling, like his father was to me.

I stayed with my son recently in his house. It was so dirty that there were cockroaches. It was awful. We fought and I went to a hotel.

He’s now blocked me and says he will never talk to me or his brother again. My younger son is 45, very sweet but also has mental health issues. I have been helping him.

My older son and his father have decided that I have Munchausen syndrome by proxy. That is a false accusation. My doctor says that if it wasn’t for me, my younger son would probably be homeless.  He has a nice apartment, does landscaping work, and is very gifted.

How can I get my older son back in my life?

Unfair treatment

Your older son has mental health issues (hoarding), and you may never “get him back.” I’m sorry, but that’s a possibility. He lives too far away for you to have any influence on his life. And his father doesn’t seem to be helping.

Keep sending him loving messages, through whatever avenue you can, but do NOT engage in any back and forth fighting. Focus your parenting on your younger son, as much as he needs/wants. Try not to be overbearing. And find a good therapist with whom you can develop strategies to deal with both your children, and work through your pain.

Reader’s Commentary Regarding the mother dating someone much younger (Aug. 16, 2024):

“The awkwardness has increased since the original question, as the two are now engaged. We talked a lot, privately, as per your suggestion. She seems happy with him.

“I guess I just need to be supportive of her and her journey. What do you think?”

Lisi – Yes. Just be supportive. You don’t have to like him; you don’t have to like the fact that they’re together. But you MUST be supportive, and you must be kind. It’s her life – and you love her.

FEEDBACK Regarding the odd job (May 8):
Reader – “She needs to look in the mirror and appreciate that there’s more that he obviously finds attractive than just her ‘private parts.’

“When I asked the doctor who was about to perform a vasectomy on me about staring at men’s private parts, he commented that when he walks into the office he mentally transitions into doctor mode and everything just turns clinical.”