Yesterday I watched a TikTok reel of a 1980s TV host of a kids’ quiz show. The reel emphasized each time the host spoke to one of the little girls – and they were little! One was 11, another 13 – he would kiss them on the lips! How was that acceptable back then?

Last night I had terrible nightmares, waking up in a sweat numerous times. I’m scared that triggered some memory in me which I’ve suppressed for decades. I don’t want to talk to my husband, or my parents – and I’m usually VERY open and communicative with them.

I’m scared to think about this too much. What should I do?

Frightened

I’m so sorry you’ve been triggered. It could be that it’s simply disturbing, or you’re right – it could be bringing up suppressed memories. It’s imperative that you speak to a professional and dig deeper.

Eighteen months ago, I checked out an apartment building with two units on the first floor and another two on the second floor. I introduced myself to the elderly woman who was on the balcony on the first floor. She told me that the unit above her would be the unit I would be moving into. She then introduced me to the other two single middle-aged women who occupy the other two units.

I moved in and was immediately sucked into the discontent of the other neighbour upstairs. She told me that the two women downstairs complain about the upstairs neighbours enough that the property manager then moves them to another building. Six months later, she was relocated.

The new upstairs neighbour is very nice, but she too has voiced concern about the downstairs complaining neighbours. The property manager called indicating that there’d been a complaint of my smoking in the no-smoking-allowed building. I am a non-smoker. Nothing came of it.

Last year, I fainted when paying at the door of the building for pizza delivery. My downstairs neighbours called an ambulance. During a summer heat wave my downstairs neighbour gave me a fan she had sitting in her storage. During this winter's snowstorm, that same neighbour gave me a comforter and a space heater, (I paid her for both) because our building's heat had been turned so low you could see your breath.

I have no relatives or acquaintances in this town. As I do not work or go to school, I gave my downstairs neighbour my house keys in case of emergency. When she broke her arm and called an ambulance, I didn’t see her until they loaded her into the ambulance. When she came back from the emergency room, her violent coughing and vomiting made me aware that she was quite ill with a respiratory and gastrointestinal ailment.

Tomorrow is garbage day so as I was taking out the garbage. I knocked on her door to ask about a plumbing issue. As soon as she opened her door, she seemed furious that I was speaking to her so long after her medical crisis, two weeks ago. I barely know her; we never visit in each other's apartments, call each other on the telephone or see one another outside the building. We have exchanged Christmas cards and gifts. However, I was not expecting her to hurl my house keys at me and slam the door.

Did I drop the 'good neighbour' ball?

Not Neighbourly 

I believe you did. Your downstairs neighbours welcomed you, looked after you when you fainted, and helped you through hot and cold seasons when you needed appropriate items. In return, you didn’t check on her when she broke her arm, even though you heard her making extreme sounds of discomfort. And when you did finally knock, it was to ask about plumbing.

Yup, I’d be annoyed too.

FEEDBACK Regarding the lonely person working from home (April 1):

Reader – “I understand this woman’s feelings of loneliness and isolation. It happened to me when the small office I worked in was sold. I was the only office administrator.  At the same time, my sister who I was very close with, moved out West. We used to do a lot of socializing together.

“At the time, I felt that Toronto was the coldest city.  I would literally spend a whole weekend and not see one soul.
I was taking a night course at York University and someone suggested that I join a curling club; gradually I made friends that way.  I also started working for a large company and gradually made friends through the office.

“It was not an easy thing to do, but I am so glad that I put myself out there.”