I met a woman the other day who came across, from her physical appearance including her style of clothing, as a fuddy duddy. That’s my grandmother’s expression, but I can’t think of anything better. I wasn’t attracted to her, meaning, I wasn’t drawn to her to get to know her better and have a good chat. But then we ended up at the same table and started talking.

Turns out we are into all the same things, grew up similarly, have the same taste in music and love to let loose in the same way. The more we spoke, the more we connected. And the more we connected, the more we wanted to continue speaking.

As the evening ended, and we had exchanged information so we could pursue the friendship, she turned to me and said, “You know, I didn’t think I’d like you. You don’t look like someone I would get along with. Guess I was wrong.” And then she left!

Gobsmacked

That’s right, you see, lesson learned: never judge a book – or a person! – by the cover, or their outward appearance. You started your letter by saying you hadn’t been attracted to her because of what she looked like. And she ended the night by saying the same thing to you.

Hopefully both of you will remember that next time you’re faced with a similar situation.

Recently, my future daughter-in-law had her bridal shower. Her mom approached me beforehand and asked me if I was willing to pay for half. I told her I would pay for my side only but also contributed towards the decorations, favours and prizes.

My daughter also recently got married. I paid for her entire bridal shower and contributed to the wedding. I will also be contributing to this wedding. I’m divorced, retired, and living on a single household income but am working part-time to make extra money.

My ex-sister-in-law found out that there was a bridal shower and was upset she wasn’t invited. Apparently, my future daughter-in-law said that my ex-husband’s family wasn’t on my guest list.

I did invite them to my daughter’s bridal shower because I paid for the entire shower and my daughter wanted them there. One of my ex-sisters-in-laws didn’t even acknowledge me that entire event, which was extremely rude.

My question is - am I responsible to invite and pay for my ex-husband’s family when I’m not primarily hosting the event? And especially given that we don’t really speak?

Frustrated and overwhelmed

No, I don’t think that inviting your ex-husband and his entire family to anything related to your son’s wedding is your responsibility at all. If your son is old enough to be getting married, then he’s old enough to speak to his father on his own and shouldn’t be relying on you to do so.

When it comes to anything bride-related, your son should speak with his bride and discuss with her who should and can be invited to what. Her bridal shower is not your party; it’s hers hosted by her own mother. She kindly invited you and your friends and family, and you respectfully paid for your guests. If your ex-husband wanted his sisters/mom/nieces to attend, he should have reached out to your son and paid for his guests. They’re not your responsibility anymore.

FEEDBACK Regarding the disloyal frenemies (March 24):

Reader – “Loved your response. Gentle but dead on.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the ogling men at the pool (March 26):

Reader – “You wrote: ‘Certainly, they were enjoying the eye candy of any of the young women in skimpy bikinis.’ While your advice was bang on, I'd like to point out that these were girls, as in children, and not women. Often lecherous people, like the men in the question, refer to girls as women as it makes their conduct appear to be less abhorrent. This is why it's good practice to maintain the linguistic distinction between children and adults.”

Lisi – Good point. I was referring to any of the other women by the pool, but I do see how linguistics is important here.

Reader #2 – “These men MAY have been engaging in innocent activity.  But children’s safety MUST come first.

“The subsequent actions speak volumes.  These men were not seen again.

“I would also encourage this woman to follow up with her daughter, her friends and her friend’s parents, just to ensure that everyone is aware.”