My son wasn’t feeling well and asked if he could stay home from school. He didn’t have a fever, runny nose or cough. He said his throat hurt but he didn’t ask for medicine. He’s a good boy and I was happy to let him stay home if he wasn’t feeling up to going. This isn’t something he does regularly.

The following week, it happened again. I didn’t remember that he had stayed home the week before, so I responded similarly. But the third week, it happened again and this time my husband had something to say. We checked and it was always a different day of the week, so we couldn’t blame his schedule or a particular teacher or class.

I honestly just think he’s been fighting something and have made an appointment with his doctor. But my husband thinks it’s something more calculated and suspicious. He wants to force him to go to school the next time he says he feels unwell. I don’t think that’s a great idea but he’s pushing me.

What are my next steps?

Sick or not sick?

Kids are kids, so there may be some truth to your husband’s suspicions. But he also may be fighting something and just having bad days. It’s also spring and with the weather comes seasonal allergies. If left untreated, or if you don’t realize he has allergies, they could also be making your son feel unwell.

You’re doing the right thing by taking him to the doctor. They’ll take a look, perhaps run some tests and you’ll have your answer. You could also talk to your doctor and ask them to have a private chat with your child, if there’s nothing medical going on. Maybe your son has something to say but doesn’t want to tell you or your husband.

Don’t worry until you have some answers. And tell your husband that it’s more important that you two work together to discover what’s going on with your son then fight about who’s right.

My tween daughter is part of a group of girls who thrive on drama. Every week someone else is being left out, someone else is upset, someone else’s parents are calling the other parents trying to figure out what to do.

My daughter certainly isn’t perfect, however, if she’s having a sleepover party, she invites the core group of eight. If she’s having a larger party, she invites EVERY GIRL in the grade (there are only 20). And if she’s doing something smaller, she makes sure that the other girls in her group have something to do and aren’t alone.

I have taught her to never make someone else feel a way that you would never want to feel, i.e., alone, isolated, left out, excluded.

Yet, last week, three of the girls went to a movie that my daughter was talking about for two weeks, and didn’t invite her. What is wrong with these girls???

Fed Up

It’s what’s wrong with the parents that you need to ask yourself. None of us are perfect, especially not at parenting. But it sounds like you’re doing a good job of teaching your daughter morals, kindness and empathy. These other girls aren’t getting the benefit of your education, and my guess is that their parents aren’t as involved as you are.

This incident is an easy fix: take your daughter to the movie and make it a fun mommy-daughter outing. Invite another mother-daughter duo if your daughter wants and make a night of it. And remind your daughter that the other kids’ behaviour is about them and not her.

You’ve got to have tough skin these days to be a tween/teen.

FEEDBACK Regarding the failed plan (Mar. 5):

Reader – “I had two very senior jobs while having my children and living a two-hour commute EACH WAY from work. Failed Plan has the advantage of working at home full-time. I had the world’s most supportive partner which truly helped. But I also had a babysitter who took our children from 6:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. Because of that, I was able to take four months mat leave and worked part-time from home for three months that included some saved vacation time. I only had EI after the initial six weeks of benefits ran out.

“I had post-partum depression, which was AWFUL both times, but I refused medication, because I lived in fear of work finding out I had a ‘mental health’ issue.

“Today my kids have such a special relationship with their dad because he was fully committed to parenting together.

“It is possible to ‘have it all.’”