I dated different men all throughout my 20s, but because of different life events, my 30s were a lonely time. By 38, I knew I wasn’t meeting the man of my dreams in time to create offspring with him, so I forged ahead and did it on my own. My biological clock was stronger than my need for a partner.

My parents were very involved and helpful, and though incredibly exhausting, my baby girl and I made it through. On her fifth birthday, we were cleaning up from a party at a children’s play center, after all the guests had left, when a man walked in with his little girl. He asked if we had just had a party, and when I said yes, he focused his attention on my daughter and wished her happy birthday. He then told me it was his daughter’s birthday party right after ours.

The girls were off in a corner playing while he helped me finish the cleanup, and I then helped him set up since his guests were about to arrive. We said our goodbyes and I left. That was about four months ago. But I can’t get this guy out of my mind.

How do I find him again?

Intrigued

I’m not sure you have enough information to know whether this man is available. If you do, you didn’t mention it in your letter. So, let’s just assume he’s not married. You could call the party location and see if they’ll give you his number. They shouldn’t really, but if you make up a believable enough story, they may. If they don’t, you could ask them to contact him on your behalf and give them permission to give him your contact information.

Unfortunately, if he doesn’t call, you’ll never know if it’s because he didn’t want to or because they never actually bothered to call him on your behalf.

You didn’t mention in your letter if you even learned his name, his daughter’s name, if he was from the neighbourhood, or any other helpful information. If you have any information, it will be much easier to find him.

However, be prepared that he may be married, living with someone, recently widowed, gay or otherwise unavailable.

My son’s new soccer team is filled with new faces. My son is shy but a great player. He’s not outgoing, doesn’t attempt to make friendships, but the team always loves him because he’s a winner. They’ve played together now for two weeks (that’s four times together) and my son has made a new friend.

This boy seems lovely, also quiet, and very polite. My son has just asked if after their practice and game on the weekend, he can come over. I said sure if it was fine with his parents, and I asked my son to get his mom’s number so I could reach out.

I called her and left a voice message, and I texted her since I don’t know her preferred method of communication. That was on Tuesday. I reached out again by text only on Thursday. It’s Friday and I still haven’t heard anything from her. What do I do?

Potential Playdate

Don’t stress over it. Hopefully you’ll see her at the field, and you can make a plan on the spot. Worst case scenario, he doesn’t show up to play. No playdate. Second worst case, his mom says no. But more than likely, she’ll say she was busy with whatever and forgot to get back to you. You’ll exchange phone numbers and set a time for her to pick her son up.

Don’t worry about the small stuff.

FEEDBACK Regarding the grumpy girlfriend (Feb. 20):

Reader – “Speaking as someone who is a complete ogre in the morning, I agree with you that it’s his decision whether it’s a deal-breaker. But I think there are ways around their mismatch that can reduce the impact on their relationship. My husband and I have been together 12 years and have found ways to mitigate the effects of our differences.

“I shower, arrange my clothing, and set up the coffee maker the night before. That makes mornings less stressful. I might still not be much of a conversationalist, but it helps. We then arrange times to call each other during the day and have great afternoons and evenings together. He usually gets tired first, but I got him an eye mask so that he’s not bothered by my reading.

“As much as a couple’s differing circadian rhythms can affect their relationship, it really doesn’t need to be a deal-breaker.”
Morning Ogre