I work with a woman I’ve worked with since I was a teenager. We both worked retail. She’s a few years older, so moved up the ladder while I was still part-time. We became good friends, and she promoted me every chance she could while she kept getting promoted.

When that store closed, she asked me to help her open her own retail. I jumped at the chance. Once I graduated, I started working for her full time. We’re very close and have been there for each other through good times and bad.

Most recently, she was supportive, both emotionally and financially, when my fiancé was killed in a car accident. We were planning our wedding, honeymoon, and had just bought a house. She, and my family, helped me navigate everything.

They all helped me rent out the new house, as it was too big for just me, and too expensive. For a while I lived at home with my parents but then found a duplex. There was a lot of outlay and not much income at one point, and my work partner helped me out. It wasn’t a loan, or a bonus, or a gift. It was just help.

I’m getting back to myself, working almost full time, exercising and eating, seeing friends and a therapist to help me deal with my loss. Everything is good. However, I overheard my work partner’s husband on the phone the other day giving her grief about the money she gave me. I know everything about their finances, and I know that even though it was a lot, they can afford it, and it won’t change their lives one bit if I never pay any of it back, which I plan to do anyway.

Should I say something to her?

Feeling Guilty

You can, because you’re so close. Start by apologizing for accidentally eavesdropping. Then thank her profusely, though I’m sure you have already, for the money she lent you. If she starts to argue the semantics, tell her you know – and she KNOWS you know – but you always planned and hope to pay her back. Tell her that you’re sorry your situation has caused an issue with her husband.

She’ll appreciate your emotional support. The two of you are smart enough to figure this out, enough to assuage her husband while not putting too much pressure on you.

While walking into my son’s house one morning, as I do daily to take my granddaughter to daycare, I heard my daughter-in-law complaining about me. She was saying I spend too much time with my granddaughter, and not enough with my grandson. Also, that I shouldn’t walk in unannounced whenever I please.

I’m shocked because they gave me a key so I could come in every morning, quietly, not disturb anyone and take my granddaughter to daycare. And I bring her home three times a week.

My grandson is autistic, doesn’t connect with anyone, and has multiple therapy sessions with my DIL. I’ve offered to help, but he’s hard to handle and my son thinks it would be too hard for me.

I called out “Good Morning,” so they knew I was there, took my granddaughter and left. Do I say something, or let it go?

Helpful Grandma

Talk to your son. Tell him what you overheard. Ask him if there’s anything he thinks should change. Tell him you’d love to help with your grandson if possible. From your description, I’m gathering your DIL was having a bad day and feeling overwhelmed with the challenges life has given her. She has a lot on her plate. You’re wonderful for helping as much as you do. I wouldn’t take it to heart.

FEEDBACK Regarding the transitioning teen (Feb. 26):

Reader – “I went through this with my AFAB (assigned female at birth) son when he was about 15.  As a parent of a son and daughter, it was devasting to ‘lose’ my only daughter.

“What really helped me was connecting with the Facebook group, Parents of Transgendered Children. Reading what other parents were going through was very helpful.  I originally joined an American group until I realized there’s a Canadian group and now, I'm a member of both.

“It is now eight years later, and everything is 'old hat.’ We’ve been through so much and my kid is so much happier now that he has transitioned.  Sadly, it’s still heartbreaking when, about once a year, the website reports/asks for prayers for a parent(s) whose child has just killed themselves.  Gut wrenching.  It's so important to educate people so our world becomes safer for our kids.”