Is it wrong to stay in touch with an ex-boyfriend? We message about once a month back and forth for a while, and then we go dark. Something will twig one of us to think of the other, and we’ll start messaging again. And then we’ll go silent.
This has been going on for the entire two years since we broke up, but didn’t start until we had not spoken for about four months. We both needed to cool off and mellow out from the breakup.
I’m single so no one cares – or knows – who I speak to. But he’s got a girlfriend, and she FREAKS out when she finds out he’s been chatting with me. But we just know each other so well and we loved each other so much. I can’t imagine my life without him in it in some capacity.
So, I ask: is it wrong to stay in touch with him?
Ex connection
In a vacuum, between the two of you, compartmentalized into an online friendship, no. It’s not wrong. It’s nice to be able to reach out to someone you once loved and say hey. It’s nice to get a message from someone who once knew you better than anyone else when something makes them think of you.
But you don’t live in a vacuum, and neither does he. And right now, he has a girlfriend that doesn’t approve of this chummy back and forth. It doesn’t speak volumes about her, because it makes her seem insecure and jealous. A little bit of jealousy is OK, but you said she FREAKS.
He needs to speak with her, to ensure her that your relationship is a text now and then, few and far between, and she has nothing to worry about. But that’s between them.
As far as you reaching out, keep doing whatever feels right to you. If he needs you to stop, he’ll let you know. And when that happens, you NEED to respect his wishes.
My husband is joined at the hip with his cellphone. Besides always scrolling, he will play audio clips of golf tips, YouTube, funny songs, etc. even when in a social setting or watching a movie on TV with me. I feel my blood pressure going up every time he does this as I have mentioned I don't like it and that its inconsiderate of others to do this.
Am I wrong or is this the new norm with technology?
Earphones for him, not me
You are not wrong. There is social etiquette accompanied with using one’s mobile phone as a source of entertainment and information. NO ONE else needs to hear what you’re listening to unless you ask them, and they say yes. That goes for when you’re walking down the street, on a bus or subway, in line at the bank, picking up coffee, at the grocery store, etc. This is why earphones, AirPods and headphones were created – so no one else would have to listen to anyone else’s conversation or music or whatever.
Most people know this, and you could point it out to your husband next time you’re in public together. People may be engaged in conversation, but they are only speaking quietly to the person on the other end.
When it comes to social settings or watching TV with you, these are times when phones are away. Unless you have a child you need to pick up, or a relative you want to be available for, your phone can be on silent during dinner with friends or the two-hour movie.
If your husband disagrees, tell him to email me.
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Lisi – Thank you for your great advice!