I had the best sex of my life a few weeks ago and I want more. The problem is, I was out dancing with friends, we drank a lot and had taken some drugs to enhance our good time. We were all on the dance floor going crazy and I wound up dancing with this gorgeous man. The club was hot, the music was hot, I was drunk and high, and we ended up having sex in an extra coat closet that wasn’t in use.
I went to find my friends so they wouldn’t worry about me, and he said he was going to the washroom…. and I never saw him again. I don’t remember his name, I don’t have his number, nothing.
Please don’t judge me – just help me find this guy!
Mystery man
I won’t judge you because it’s your life, not mine. But I beg you to be way more self-protective. Drinking alcohol, assuming you are of legal age, is your business. But drugs are something else – and it can be truly dangerous to mix the two.
Going out dancing and enjoying the night is fantastic. I highly recommend it to everyone to let loose occasionally. It’s a great stress reliever and good exercise. But you must be careful when you meet people and more thoughtful about with whom you’re swapping spit.
I can only hope that you used protection when engaging in sexual intimacy and intercourse, both for birth control and sexually transmitted diseases.
All of that had to be said. Now, how can you find this mystery man? My only suggestion would be to go back to that club and hope that he’s thinking the same thing. Don’t despair if he’s not there the first time you return or even the second. But I wouldn’t go every week. You may just have to find someone new with whom to share your sexual activity.
Every Sunday, my sister, our two best friends, and our two cousins meet for coffee or brunch or a late afternoon drink. We discuss the week we had and the week we’re embarking on. We discuss our work life, family life, social life and our sex life.
Lately, one of our cousins arrives literally glowing. The first time, she brushed it off as her new skincare regime. The second time, she blushed and said she had just had sex with her new person. The third time, we had to discuss it in detail, because yes, it’s the sex, but what’s with the glow?
None of us have ever looked like that post coitus, including her. What’s she doing differently, and more importantly, what’s HE doing differently?
Afterglow
Afterglow is a thing. It’s that feeling of satisfaction and happiness that remains after sex, after an orgasm (or many), after you’ve put your clothes back on. For some people, it can last as long as 48 hours after sex.
Yes, there’s a correlation between the length of the afterglow and the health of the relationship. Sex activates both dopamine and oxytocin receptors in the brain, both of which are associated with romantic love.
In other words, your cousin is having great sex and really likes her new guy. Lucky her!
Why are so many people so opposed to porn? What’s wrong with it? I am single and enjoy watching porn at night. I get stimulated, service myself and go to sleep. I don’t see the harm.
Self-satisfaction
In your case, there isn’t anything wrong with your use of pornography. However, if you choose your activity over looking for a relationship, that’s a problem. If you compare the women you meet to the women on the screen, that’s also a problem.
In other words, pornography isn’t the issue. It’s the way it’s used and how it affects you that matters.
FEEDBACK Regarding horny as hell (Jan. 4):
Reader – “I disagree with your advice to Horny as Hell. I'm a perimenopausal woman and until I started HRT my sex drive was dead. It has nothing to do with the partner - at all. So, I thought it was harsh when you said ‘try harder’ because this poor man has probably tried everything.
“My advice to him would be to gently inquire with his wife if she would be OK if he got that need met elsewhere. He might be surprised as she might not care. And, if possible, if there's any way to suggest that she tries HRT. Although I can't call myself ‘horny as hell,’ my partner of 20+ years has commented more than once that he's so happy that my sex drive has returned with the HRT!!”
Horny sometimes thanks to HRT