My neighbour is always yelling at her children, and it drives me crazy! I know it’s not my business, and I haven’t said anything, but I want to yell at her for their sake!

She yells at them to put on a hat and mittens as they leave for school. She yells at them to pick up their feet and not shuffle along. She yells at them on the weekend to hurry up or they’ll be late. I don’t believe it’s healthy for her to yell so much, and it’s certainly not healthy for the children!

I don’t have children of my own, but I was a substitute teacher for years and worked with children in other capacities. I NEVER yelled at them. I may have spoken sternly, or raised my voice a level, but never did I screech like this woman.

To be clear, I don’t see signs of any other abuse and I am acutely aware of what to look for.

What can I do?

Concerned neighbour

Unfortunately, I think you need to mind your own business. I agree that yelling at children isn’t healthy for them. It lowers their self-esteem, can cause behavioural problems, create anxiety, even cause depression. And yelling isn’t good for her either. It can increase stress and anxiety and has negative effects on the relationship with whom you’re yelling at.

However, she’s not your friend, she’s not a relative, she’s barely an acquaintance.

You could drop off a pamphlet, anonymously, if you happen to have one, on the effects of yelling at children. The other thing you could do - but you’d have to be willing to accept her wrath, if she goes there – is to gently say to her one day when she’s alone, “Hey, is everything OK? I couldn’t help but hear you yelling. Can I help you with anything?”

She may be going through a rough time and need a friend, or even just a shoulder to cry on. It could be worth the effort.

When I was 15, I met the love of my life. We’ll call her M. Unfortunately, she was dating my best friend. Eventually they broke up, but I wouldn’t dare tell her how I felt because I wasn’t going to hurt my bestie.

M started dating someone else and I liked her profile picture of her and her new girlfriend. My bestie thought that was a huge betrayal and cancelled our friendship. A few months later, M was single, and I made my move.

We started dating. It was magical. I was 16 and she was 17 and nothing could come between our love. M’s job was terrible, sucking all her energy, so she turned to drugs and drinking. Not even I could help her at this point. I wanted to help her but knew she was spiralling. She got into a drunk accident with me as the passenger. She passed away and has been sending me signs in the universe ever since.

Her parents loved me because I was a cool kid. I was a musician and a writer, got good grades, and I didn’t do anything I shouldn’t. M is Canadian; I’m American. Her father told me about you and said I should reach out because you’re amazing at advice.

Looking for answers

Though I appreciate that your Canadian contacts suggested you write to me, I’m not sure what advice you’re looking for. You were in love as a teenager, had the beginnings of a relationship, until your girlfriend tragically died. That was 15 years ago. You’re now an adult and need to move on. You don’t need to ever forget her, or the feeling you had, but you need to put them aside to make room for new feelings and new, healthy present relationships.

You can interpret the signs any way you choose, but how you act upon them is what will determine your future.

FEEDBACK Regarding staff depreciation and the lack of customer service (Jan. 2):

Reader – “I just read about the poor customer service the person received during the Christmas season. Here’s my perspective, from someone who’s worked in customer service for a very long time:

“In the two months leading up to Christmas, I’ve been yelled at, dealt with people in very bad moods and on the verge of physical violence. Maybe the customer service representative had spent the last few hours dealing with all kinds of situations that were designed to put him in a bad mood. It sounds like he was run off his feet and just had a lot of situations that stressed him out. He was in the wrong to take it out on the customer but maybe he couldn't help it.

“Please show that person on the other side of the counter some grace and mercy.”

One Tired Customer Service Rep