Dear Readers - Having hosted 39 episodes of a Reality TV show called Outlaw In-laws (Slice TV, still on in re-runs), I knew that many people have difficulty with their in-law relationships. There were so many posts on my August 17 live online chat, that I'm publishing the leftover ones over two days:

When I got engaged, my fiancé and I had a dinner for our families to meet. My future mother-in-law commented that no one should get married; it's a waste of time. I felt ashamed. She also said I should sell my engagement ring because "it's worth some money." She's ruined this experience for me. I won't have any contact with her. But I'm not sure of the best way to proceed.

This is NO way to proceed. Where's your spunk and self-confidence? His mother is different from what you expected... so what? You don't have to agree with her, nor do you have to love her. Ask your fiancé about how he dealt with her attitudes (I'm betting on "ignored them.") See her when you have to, be polite, don't respond to her bait, she's just testing you and also fears losing her son.

I've been separated from my ex for a year. Things went downhill when her mother stayed with us after our child was born. She stopped sharing things with me, and talked to her mom about everything. She'd then accuse me of not remembering things she told me, when she'd told her mom, not me. Her parents lived with us for a year and by then our marriage was in pieces. DO NOT EVER LET YOUR PARENTS OR HERS LIVE WITH YOU!!!!

My own father told me that, too. Some families insist on co-habiting between the generations, often for financial reasons. It only works well when there's mutual respect between the two couples, and limits to involvement in each other's lives.

My mother-in-law makes my husband feel guilty for not going home more often, although she knows we cannot afford it. We often fight with her because, when she visits, she interferes in our family affairs. My husband gets defensive and justifies her behavior by saying it’s just the way she is. She’s often sneaky and tries to get her own way with our children before asking us if it’s okay.

That's the way she is... but that doesn't mean you both have to tolerate it. Especially when it's destructive to your own relationship. You need to be a team. He must tell her that she's not to interfere. Don't hold important or very personal conversations around her. Be very clear about your rules regarding your children. Her son must show his annoyance when she contravenes them (except for occasional, special indulgences).

I'm Jewish, he's Christian. My mother-in-law often makes backhanded comments about our religious differences, e.g. her friend noticed my husband "looked so lonely" at church. I'm very hurt by her words. My husband and I sometimes fight about this. I understand that he feels caught between us. How can we deal with this, and how can I handle my feelings about it?

You've both figured out how to handle the differences between you. So why react? It's not surprising that she'd worry about her son (or your mother worry about you). All he has to say is, "I'm not alone, and there's a whole congregation there." Each of you should assure your own family that you're comfortable with this arrangement.

My wife's parents meddled since we were dating. When they were angry with her, they expected our children to have Christmas dinner at their house, instead of ours. They openly criticized my wife with the children, as they grew older. We've distanced ourselves from them, while still maintaining some relationship.

Sounds like you figured this one out well, over the years. But surely the "kids" don't still attend Christmas dinners from which their mother is barred?

My greatest difficulty in dealing with my in-laws is their hypocrisy. They're so critical of others (including my parents) while ignoring their own shortcomings. I spend a lot of time with them, so what's a good strategy to cope with their constant self-righteousness and criticism of others?

Change the topic, OR, when they're really out of line, say pointedly, "I won't join this gossip fest because I know none of us are perfect." Then walk away.