Dear Readers - With Thanksgiving on the horizon and the familiar couples' issue of choosing "which family celebrations" to attend, some of the many responses to a recent column can be helpful.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman with two married daughters and a married son, who wrote, "for every special occasion, my daughter-in-law makes plans with her family first." (August 12):

Reader #1 - "This mother-in-law should become much more proactive in planning for family holidays. She should work on having each of her daughters, and her daughter-in-law, share hosting duties for each main event - starting by discussing whom among them wants to host a holiday (Thanksgiving), for example.

"Then several weeks beforehand, phone each of the women saying that this year, we plan to celebrate the occasion at "Susie's house," hope you can come. Rotate hosting duties so that no one feels slighted, and to balance the chores involved.

"This allows all the families to plan ahead for the big event. Also, if people want to do their own thing, they at least know they were invited to the family celebration."

Reader #2 - "I noticed that there was no reference as to what her two sons-in-law plan with their own mothers on Christmas, Easter, etc. Just saying!"

Reader #3 - "I agree that the son now has two families to deal with, but so does the daughter-in-law - a fact she's apparently not yet grasped. She's perhaps still quite young, self-centered, and immature, and may change over time.

"The mother should speak to her son privately, and explain how his wife's behaviour affects HIS family. Hopefully, he and his wife could agree upon a solution that's acceptable to both families while it's still early days. It CAN be done."

Reader #4 - "We've been married for 32 years and since our first year, we've alternated the primary Christmas function with each other's family, no exceptions.

"My sister laments that we can't have an annual family photo, but that's the reality. Other occasions are rotated among siblings on both sides and not everyone is able or expected to be there.

"I'm sure when my sons have families of their own, it'll get even more complex. Having good relations with everyone and spending some time together, is what's important. You don't have to be all in the same room at the same time."

Reader #5 - "First, we alternated years, e.g. Christmas at my mom's, Easter at my mother-in-law's, next year switch.
"Now, because our families are not too large, we alternate houses with both families attending, since we're all related through marriage."

Reader #6 - "One side of the family being "left to scramble to find time together" for every special occasion is a very unreasonable position.

"Hopefully, the daughter-in-law (who this woman thinks is lovely and whom she loves dearly), and her family, haven't done this on purpose but just thought it wouldn't be a problem (or haven't even given it any thought) and would see the unfairness of the situation, if it were discussed.

"Both of my daughters-in-law and their families understand that all of us want to spend time together with our children and their families. Especially on holidays which are much more special particularly when there are grand-children."
A-Thanks to all for sharing personal experiences. What's evident from your responses is what works best in the complexity of in-law relationships: Acceptance of both sides' needs, and willingness to find solutions.

I'm a female, 24, who's found myself at odds with my friendship group from high school days. I don't share anything in common with them anymore - I'm pursuing further education, they've all obtained full-time jobs.

I want to meet new people, but find it hard. It seems like everyone my age has already formed his or her "group," making it difficult to become close with anyone. Is it possible to form solid friendships at my age?

Isolated 

It WILL happen. But don't end all contact with the old gang. One or more may still be loyal and caring over the years, as you all grow through different phases that can bring you closer at times.

School is an obvious place to develop friendships, through shared interests. Give it time to get to know each other, and be open to people from different backgrounds. Your work environment will also supply new contacts and some solid friendships.