Several months ago, my daughter, her husband and teenage son visited our home from a distant city. Her husband came along because he had business to conduct and it was convenient for the other two to socialize, go shopping and generally hang out. They stayed overnight.

In the morning, I asked my grandson to search for info on a TV show which I wanted to see. He failed to do this even though he had his device in his hands. I made a remark about this and apparently his father took exception to my comment because on the way out the door he made a comment which I took as an insult.

I found myself so angry that later I called my daughter and said that her husband was no longer welcome at our home and to stay elsewhere when he had business in our town. That’s when my daughter became very upset and would only relate to her mother and not me.

Since then, we have had the proverbial standoff with that side of the family allied against me and my wife saying that she doesn't want to take sides. There is no end in sight.

In my opinion, we could put this to rest with a simple apology from my son-in-law. I do not hold grudges and simply feel the need for some respect from someone who has enjoyed our hospitality.

What do you suggest?

Irate In-law

There are too many holes in this story for me to respond definitively. Perhaps your grandson didn’t hear your request because he had his AirPods in and you didn’t notice. Perhaps he was so engrossed in whatever he was looking at – as often happens to those on a screen – that he didn’t “hear” your request.

The remark you made in response to no response from your grandson may have been over-the-top relatively speaking, and perhaps your son-in-law thought it overly judgemental or rude. And then he responded in kind, which you took as an insult.

Let me ask you this: is this worth it? Is this argument worth losing your daughter and grandson over? If yes, then hold fast to your conviction that your son-in-law owes you an apology. I doubt you’ll get it. If no, be the bigger person and apologize to him. Explain yourself. Discuss with him why you made the remark you made. Talk to him, parent to parent, and ask how he would have responded. Work this through together, as a family. That’s how you’ll gain his respect.

My son has a new girlfriend who I really like. She’s sweet, thoughtful and a pleasure to be around. Save for one issue: she has very bad gas problems and is constantly farting. Sometimes they’re silent, but very pungent; others are loud and less pungent but still smell bad enough to make your nose wrinkle.

I’m not sure how my son manages the constant rancid aroma surrounding her. I honestly can’t take it. How do I deal with this situation?

Sweet and Sour

This is a tricky one…. if your son lives at home, hopefully you’re not there when he invites his girlfriend over. Or you could run errands when she pops by. But not every time, because you don’t want them to become suspicious.

You could casually offer her something to eat, but then just as casually ask if she’s gluten-free or dairy-free, both known to cause gas and gastro issues in those who are sensitive or allergic.

You could also ask your son, gently, if she suffers from some gastrointestinal ailment. Whatever you do, do NOT ask, “who let one loose?” while in her presence.

FEEDBACK Regarding the wife suffering a chronic illness (Sept. 1):

Reader – “Chronic pain is a very difficult time because of the hopelessness you experience when you can’t get a diagnosis, can’t sleep and rarely have relief. I agree that this couple should consult with a therapist experienced with chronic pain. It’s important to keep researching the issue because new therapies arrive all the time.  They should also seek out a support group of others with the same condition — or even create one if none exists.

“He should hold off suggesting he’ll leave if things don’t change.  She’s already in despair, wondering how she’ll live, what her future will be. To be then told that she’ll also lose a husband upon whom she is now very dependant may well throw her into even greater withdrawal from life. Only if there’s no change after several months should he mention. She’ll be armed with lots of knowledge, and she’ll therefore be more able to respond to his needs.”