A friend I met at work eighteen months ago was super excited in my company and we got along very well. He said we should marry - understood as a joke because he's gay.

But the jokes increased, we made out once when drunk, and he'd sometimes suggest we should make out, and then he'd retract. Or he'd hint about whether we should have sex. And I did stupid stuff like cajole my way into same-bed sleepovers.

I broke down in tears a year ago and said I couldn't handle it anymore. He took it as a "break," while I meant an end to the flirting and my hopes of more. He insisted we not contact each other for four months.

I was devastated. When I later got back in contact I discovered he'd gotten angry, and was no longer comfortable talking with me about being gay. He'd get upset if I didn't contact him, very upset if I did.

He said I don't respect who he is, and that the friendship's over. I said I was sorry he felt that way and wished him well.

Four months later he saw me at a store and bounded up to me to talk. I turned my back on him and walked away. I later sent him a letter and addressed the unsaid issues - that we did make out one night, that I understand he's still gay, that I still love him even though we can't be lovers, and I hope that one day we can be friends. And I suggested he consider coming out when he feels the time is right.

No response. I suppose I should just try to forget about it and let him do what he feels he needs to do. Am I doing the right things here?

Trying my Best

You're trying too hard to get inside another person's head and life. Your caring is there, he's aware of it. But you've taken it to a level beyond which he wants you to intrude. You were friends, there was flirting (common in gay-straight friendships just as in straight-straight friendships), drunken nonsense that was meaningless. But your need for more and his privacy demanding less, clashed. Back off.

Accept the likelihood that you won't be friends again. If it happens, it's a surprise bonus and needs a strong sense of boundaries so he feels respected for how he chooses to live his life.

My mother's an intelligent, well-liked, and vibrant woman, but she talks too much. She can have a conversation with herself during a party full of dinner guests. She'll dominate a conversation ad nauseam. It's very rude.

I'll call her to catch up and she'll spend the entire conversation talking about herself. How do I politely tell her that she needs to listen more and allow others to share in conversation?

One-Sided

It's hard for adult children to change parent's behaviour with them, because the dynamic has gone on for years. But YOU can change how you handle her. Try humour and firmness, blended: "Mother, I want to catch up so I'm going to tell you what's been going on with me, for five minutes. I need you to listen, and then I'll hear about YOU. If you don't let me talk, I'll have to hang up, so here goes...."

This may work with you, and may even spill over to her conversations with others. But you can only control your own interaction with her.

Five years ago, I started struggling with anxieties. I stopped talking to a bunch of my friends, rather abruptly. I didn't feel I could handle any issue that normally came up between friends.

A year ago, I met two of them while shopping and one of them gave me her email but I never contacted her after that. For some reason, I recently thought of that situation and I'm considering sending an email explaining my anxiety and why I did what I did all those years ago.

Is this a good idea or after so long, should I just let it be?

Unsure

Let it be, unless you're making a concerted effort to re-connect with some old friends. I'm hoping that you've had therapy to deal with your anxieties, and whatever heightened them five years ago. If so, your therapist can help you with a manageable plan to try and regain some contact.