Dear Readers - "Date Nights' were the question, with the feedback requested by a reader (Nov. 13 column) who asked if any couples improved their sex life through regular date nights. Some responses:

Male Reader #1 - "Having achieved a rut whereby we could go months without intimacy, my wife and I discussed it and settled on Saturday nights as our time. Overall, it's worked well.

"We both look forward to it and it's money in the bank as far as the relationship goes. Life still manages to get in the way, but we make the effort to fit it in. Sometimes the urgency of a short available time adds extra spice."

Male Reader #2 - "There may be times when date night is helpful to a couple, but I think most times one or both need "counseling night" to get to even stand to think about a date night.

"When my now ex-wife and I had a date night, all I could think of was how many ways she annoyed me and how we could better spend the time. Bitterness, resentment, and sometimes downright disgust have set in for too many couples. They need heavy-duty counselling or even separation.

"A series of dates can't fix a relationship that's suffered from years of issues building to a blow-up point. In my experience, most if not all couples make a choice to not spend time together, and to lead their lives in a manner that prevents them from ever having time for each other. They delay coming home, go to kids sports, etc., all precluding together time.

"If "counselling night" doesn't work, schedule lawyer night. Either that will snap you to attention and you'll both reform, or you'll follow it through."

Female Reader - "What "date night" means is taking the time to communicate with one another. It can be accomplished by taking a walk together, or by hitting the local playground, sitting on the swings, and chatting.

"Pick up two coffees-to-go one evening, drive somewhere quiet, park, and enjoy the stars. Or stay home: dim the lights, put on soothing music, cuddle up under a blanket on the couch or in bed, and just talk.

"It's amazing what can happen, physically, when you're no longer "mental."

Ellie - "Many of you sent some reflection of the above. Date nights spice up intimacy for some; create time for closer communication for others. But when bitterness and resentment have festered too long, a "date night" still avoids facing your deep-rooted problems.

"I recommend trying "date nights" for couples who can't find time, energy, or interest in their sex lives due to their busy routines (so long as there's no medical factor that needs to be checked first).

"But for people who can't stand to be together, I urge immediate counselling."

My daughter, 19, can't accept my new life with my second husband who has a son, 12, who visits frequently. My daughter has a boyfriend and is in college, yet gets upset when I'm involved with my stepson - hockey games, shopping, etc. She likes my husband a lot, yet lashes out at me that I've abandoned her, which I surely haven't.

Confused

Spell it out clearly - you'll always be her mother, always love her, never abandon her. But it'd be uncharitable of both of you to not give the boy attention and caring. Time will settle her insecurities, which are natural when a parent re-marries.

My boyfriend and I are getting engaged soon. We live together in a big city, which I'm beginning to hate. I want to move closer to my smaller hometown and my entire family.

He says we could possibly retire there... 40 years away! Both of our jobs are easy to find, and/or transfer. I'm starting to feel trapped here if I want to stay together. Am I being unreasonable or are we both, and how can we come to a suitable resolution?

Small-town Girl

Look closer at your differences before you take any further steps to unite in marriage. You're "unreasonable" in that you've already made up your mind on something that affects you both. That's why he blocks you with the "retirement" line.

Discuss pros and cons for each of you, and come up with a five-year plan. Example, staying in the city until you have kids and need family around.