My daughter, early-30`s, has a child, age three, and a baby coming. We have a great relationship, but I have discomfort visiting her house because it’s really dirty.

I’m not a clean freak nor hypercritical. Her three brothers in their 20`s say the same thing (to me).

There are dog-hair clumps everywhere. The table and counters are never wiped, and we hate to use the bathroom (my son wipes it down before his girlfriend uses it). If you take your shoes off, your sock-bottoms get filthy within minutes.

She works full-time and I don`t think her husband helps much. When I spend the day there with my grandson, I usually wipe out the fridge, or sweep and wash the floor, but nothing’s ever said.

Is there a way one of us could tactfully raise this without hurting her feelings? I think if it came from me it might seem judgmental.

Dirt Barrier

It’s not too late for a New Year’s gift from the whole family: Cleaning help.

Those three grown brothers and you can tell her you all see how hard it is to work full-time and raise a toddler, especially while pregnant.

Then all make a bi-weekly visit and give two hours to a hygiene overhaul, cajole her husband to join in, and make it fun, too.

If that’s impossible to arrange, then all give what you can afford, and hire a professional cleaner for a limited period.

When she sees how regular effort can maintain the house’s overall cleanliness, and hygiene for the kids’ benefit, she and her husband may pick up the cost or work after the “gift” ends.

I separated from my husband of 17 years. We’d both lost the love we once had.

One month later, I joined a dating site and was immediately talking and texting with one man everyday before we even met and dated.

Six months later, things are going good but he has intimacy issues.

He doesn't like affection, especially in public. When I give him a kiss or hold his hand, he gets uncomfortable.

I like all that stuff; it shows that you like me a lot or that you want me.

Should I just relax about the touching and not stress so much?

Everything else is great, he calls me repeatedly every day, and then we talk all night until bed. He treats me well, pays for everything, and tells me everything going on in his life.

He had some troubles when he was younger, but ever since, he's been a good man. He works, takes care of his son, and makes time for me, on weekends.

I have three kids, two old enough to take care of themselves, and a three-year-old.

Only my weekends have free time – when my ex-husband has the kids or my older daughter watches my younger child awhile.

We only spend four-to-five hours together on weekends. So this man fits in perfectly with my time.

I just need your perspective on my relationship.

Feeling So Alone

The set-up sounds fine and “works” with your timing, yet the relationship itself is what you’re questioning here. And, significantly, you sign “Feeling So Alone.”

So he “fits” on the practical side, but not regarding your emotional needs. This may even have been the reason your marriage eventually ended.

You became involved without assessing your own readiness for a next relationship. Can you be happy long-term with so little affection? Probably not. Can he change?

Take a break.

Reader’s Comment - Here’s why some men cheat: They work in a pressured environment and come home to more pressure. It seems working women can’t get over that mothers receive more demands from their kids than dads.

These moms take over the house-and-kids’ schedules, then order their men around like they’re also children. Sex is doled out the same as treats for the kids, only for “good behaviour.”

Ellie – You’re correct that some men and women behave this way. But you neglected the reverse, that some men still treat wives as property they control, causing the women to look for acceptance and sexual equality elsewhere.

Cheating isn’t a male phenomenon. In the past, more men worked outside the home and had more opportunity to meet other women. Today, there’s an equal opportunity society for both faithfulness and for affairs.

So both partners need to feel valued, and both need to speak up when one side gets bossy.