I’m 33, and have recently been hooking up with a former co-worker who’s 25, and just recently out of a four-year relationship; I’m out of a two-year relationship.
She said from the first instance that she’s not looking for a new relationship, but now is very interested in a guy.
Over the last month we haven’t been together, and she’s been with a couple of other guys.
We haven’t spoken in a week.
My friends tell me to move on and never contact her, but I’ve always pictured myself settling down with her.
Was I just the rebound guy?
You were both rebounding, only she’s thrown a curve which has caught you off balance.
Face reality - “hooking up” isn’t a committed relationship; she was clear about her intentions, and you both got what you wanted out of it for a brief run.
Your “picture” of lasting bliss is a distortion, since there was nothing to base it on.
Move on, too, but ignore your friends’ negative view of this woman. She owes you nothing.
I’m 16 and I don’t like being alone.
I liked this guy a lot. I learned that he liked me but nothing happened - no kissing, no dating. All we did was see each other at school and walk around at lunch.
One day I gave him a letter and the next day he said he just wants to be friends. My mom said that means he wants to have nothing to do with me. She was right.
Sometimes, I sent him letters and then he said flat out that he didn’t like me.
I see him occasionally looking at me but I don’t know if a look means anything.
He said he wasn’t ready for “this kind of relationship.” I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant.
I don’t know if he’ll forgive me (I said thing I shouldn’t have).
I learned from my mistakes but I don’t know if what I did was bad enough that I don’t deserve a second chance.
- Confused Teen
Everyone deserves a second chance in life, but not always in a specific relationship.
If you bad-mouthed this guy, spread false stories about him, told lies, embarrassed him, or somehow made him miserable, he’s not going to forgive you for awhile, and no, this won’t develop into a romance.
Stop obsessing on him, you built it all in your imagination because of your desire to have a boyfriend.
It’s natural to be eager for a taste of dating and romance. But the standards of acceptable actions are the same whether young or old: If you indulge in bad behaviour or pursue someone annoyingly, you risk pushing that person away. Start making amends by correcting whatever you said to others.
If you see this guy, apologize. Then stay away from him. You’re young, and mistakes are understandable; but you’re also old enough to learn that only when there’s a mutual connection can a real relationship develop.
My friend is 25, attractive, outgoing, and successful.
Her live-in boyfriend is a control freak who refuses to say the “love” word, and withholds sex for months! She does everything for him, like a wife.
I can’t understand why she stays with him.
She’s getting something out of this, even though you feel she deserves more.
Example: She’s inwardly insecure and needy, or was desperate to play the wife-like role. Be supportive, for when she eventually realizes what she’s missing.
My boyfriend of 14 years is addicted to pills and crack cocaine, despite rehab twice. I’ve asked him to leave, but he thinks I’m bluffing. I love him.
We have a son, 12, who knows his dad is on drugs. How can I make him see I’m serious about separating?
He also steals money from me. Do I call the police?
I want to start a new life without him.
- Wit’s End
Stop talking and start ACTING serious.
A local family court would grant a court order to get him out. Police would get involved if you lay charges for the thefts, but you may not want to do that to your son’s father.
You DO need to give your son a better life than what you’re both experiencing. But recognize that, unless he’s abusive, his father has some rights (e.g. visits) and the boy may want some continued contact with him.
Tip of the day:
When you agree to have a fling, don’t expect long-term commitments.