I’ve been dating a man for about seven years. We were intimate at the beginning of our relationship, but then he said that “orgasms are highly overrated.”
I found this hurtful and felt rejected. It didn’t change anything.
I know he hasn’t dated anyone else. He calls me on a regular basis, takes me out to dinner, holds my hand, and kisses me good night.
I find this confusing since he’s the one who ended the intimacy.
I’m invited to all his family's events. I’m attracted to him and would like more, yet realistically, he’s never been married nor lived with anyone.
I don’t want to marry again but I’d like to have a boyfriend.
Should I accept him as just a friend, or move on and find someone else?
I’m 62, and it seems that men think they can date younger women. Dating takes effort which I’m not sure I want to give.
Your friend is never going to be your boyfriend. He may be asexual, or bi-sexual, have lost all libido, or developed erectile dysfunction. It seems you haven’t asked.
If you want a sexually active companion, you need to move on. Other women your age have found boyfriends… it is possible.
In every dating stage, there are some obstacles – some men will look for younger women, others will have needs/wants that differ from yours.
Also, relationships do take the emotional energy to give as well as take. There’s a lot more to a full relationship than going out for dinner regularly.
So the decision goes back to what are you willing to give to have intimacy in your life?
While you think this through, tell friends, colleagues, acquaintances that you’re open to dating. Join some activities, attend community events, etc., where you meet new people.
Once there’s the possibility of dating and intimacy, you’ll know better what you want.
My son’s getting married very soon. His father and I have been apart for 12 years and get along as friends.
Our problems were cheating and overspending, hiding his purchases and credit cards, selfishness… family never came first.
He recently ended a relationship. So my son and his fiancée invited him to the wedding alone, and he agreed.
Now he wants to bring someone. We’ve all met her and she seems like a nice lady. (I’m going alone).
But the bride and groom think it's "selfish" of him. There’ve also been money issues… he asked for my help to buy a suit and I agreed. He’s been off work because of surgery.
He gave the $200 to his son as a wedding present. Also bought an engine for one of his old cars. My oldest son’s the only one who knows all this, his other two would disown him if they knew.
Need Your View
He hasn’t changed, and is still their father. One more person won’t break the wedding budget, so this is really about everyone’s attitude towards him.
He should be present. If denying him this guest will cause him to stay away, I’d say let her come.
However, if the young couple are firmly against it, his son needs to explain why: They don’t know her, she doesn’t know anyone else there, they won’t be part of the family circle.
It’s not about money though all your family sees him through this perspective. Yet you all already know his faults.
If they want your advice, simply say that his father should be there.
FEEDBACK From the woman who was “downsized” at age 60 (July 6):
Reader – “I too was "laid off" at age 59 and felt nervous about finding another position.
“I live in Toronto where there are many opportunities and I needed to keep working as I had no company pension and was too young to take my government pension early.
“I was nervous about finding another position and wondered if I’d be considered "too old."
“I was fortunate to have a couple of sessions with a career consultant as part of my layoff package.
“She helped me build a transitional resume (using The Easy Resume Book, by Barbara J Bowes).
“With luck and being in the right place at the right time, I landed a new position within three weeks.
“I retired from it after five years (still not willingly) and returned to part-time work within six months. I wasn't really ready to "retire."
Tip of the day:
If you want a relationship, be prepared for both give and take.