I met this amazing guy in my senior year. We became quite close. He signaled that he liked me - constant touching, staring, trying to be around me in the classroom.

But he was always dating someone else. I just accepted being in the friend zone.

A couple months later, he said that his girlfriend had broken up with him. After that, he texted me constantly.

Then he asked me to hang out with him, just us. Sitting on a couch, his arms were wrapped around me.

Then he had to get something at a gas station. Spotting a condom rack, he looked at me and asked, "Should I buy some?"
I laughed it off as a joke.

Later, we sat in the car cuddling for two hours. We didn't kiss.

Everyone at school thought we were dating.

Then one day he told me about a girl in one of his classes whom he thought was crazy and weird. Two weeks later I saw him holding hands with her. They’d started dating.

Our "friendship" wasn't the same.

He told my friend that his girlfriend gets jealous very easily. Yet he always made small talk with me, as if trying to keep something alive.

Can you tell me what this was all about?

Beyond Confused

Teenage dating’s a learning curve for everyone, but different for each individual. With this guy, he seems to always need a girlfriend.

In you, he had a close confidante. But his drive was towards sex – something you were wisely not ready for without a relationship.

He’ll be a casual player for several more years… until someone breaks his heart.

A year ago, I asked you whether I should break off a 30-plus-years friendship with a woman friend.

The things we had in common were becoming fewer. Also, she has a pattern of being friends with couples and spending more time one-to-one with the husband - biking and skiing, perhaps nothing sexual, but cutting into their spousal time.

My husband doesn't particularly like her, but I could see her, in a joking way, trying to drive a wedge between him and me.

You advised me to give her a second chance in light of the many years we had been friends.

I did and was subjected to an evening of put-downs, mocking, and belittling of my interests and plans. I resolved never to repeat it.

Recently, a year later, she emailed me, asking to get together. I didn't reply. She sent a follow-up email in which she practically commanded me to set a date.

So I emailed back, mentioned the evening of put-downs, and said I wasn't eager to repeat the experience.

She apologized, said she didn't know if we could still be friends, but was glad to know what the problem was.

A load has been lifted off my shoulders. I read somewhere that if you don't look forward to seeing a friend and if you no longer want to share anything about your life with that person, then the friendship’s over. I have no regrets.

I should’ve done it a year ago.

Relieved

You gave her a second chance and suffered a night of putdowns. The next year’s get-together would’ve been a third chance and you denied her that because you now knew for sure what you wanted to do.

Previously, there was still a feeling of guilt and uncertainty as to dropping her completely – which is why you sought advice.

The long friendship deserved your consideration. Now you’re done – no guilt.

FEEDBACK Regarding the small-town female high school graduate, 20, who has no car, and can’t get a job to pay for college (April 17):

Reader – “If the town’s so small, other residents must be travelling elsewhere daily. Try to arrange a daily ride with one of these working people to see what's available.

“She also needs to send her resume with a cover letter telling them what you can do for them.

“Always make an appointment and dress smartly for that job. Try to find a job that suits the hours of your lift.

“Tell everyone you know what you’re looking for, according to your present abilities.

“Then use online courses to advance your credentials. Also, seek a field where somewhere might take you on as an apprentice.

“Clean up your Facebook and other online personal information so that you no longer look like a carefree teenager.  Employers DO monitor these sites.”