I'm recently separated and have taken to hitting dating websites to meet new people and get myself back out there. I've met a few women through a site, and although most are genuine and truthful in their profiles, some are not. I have nothing against larger ladies - my ex-wife’s a big girl - but that always seems to be the "surprise."
Is there a way to politely tell someone that they misled on their profile and as such I'm not interested? I’m at a point in my life where I want to get out and conquer the world and I want someone who’s fit enough and financially stable enough, to keep up with me.
- Misled in Mississauga
Frankly, your claim of having “nothing against larger ladies” while resenting the “surprise” of size, comes out as double talk. The solution is NOT to chastise women (not even politely) for not registering their Body Mass Index on a dating site, but to be as open as you expect others to be.
Try this on your own profile: “I’m looking for a slim, fit woman who can pay her own way to accompany me while I conquer the world.” If you get any serious takers, hope they don’t find an off-putting surprise in you.
My boyfriend of one year is a caring, loving guy, who’s stayed with me through some real crazy insecurities I have had. I trust him, and have no problems with how he is with other women. But, his female best friend of over five years, who lives in another part of the country, calls him every few days.
I’ve told him that their bond makes me uncomfortable, even though he continuously shows and tells me I’m the one he wants to be with. I believe him that he doesn’t like her as anything but a friend. Am I being unreasonable in thinking she should be backing off with how much she calls? He tells me what they talk about. I know he’s told her I don't like her calling so much.
Her response was that she believes we’ll move in together and get married eventually and she wants to talk to him now while she has the chance. Am I being too controlling or insecure in my relationship? Is it okay for a guy in a relationship to still be close friends with another girl?
- Normal or Not?
YES, she should be cutting back her calls and YES, you’re too controlling. Your insecurities may drive this good guy away, if you don’t recognize what’s “small stuff.” Your relationship is still in process, and you need to differentiate between what’s harmful to it and what’s just annoying.
His friend’s stolid persistence is annoying. Your guy told her how you feel but she’s taking advantage of his niceness, since he hasn’t ordered her to call less. However, she isn’t interfering with your connection to him…. UNLESS, you turn your “discomfort” about this into a major obstacle.
Drop it. He’s entitled to have female friends … but in time he should purposefully wean her off the frequency of calls. He’ll come to this realization himself, so long as you don’t pull a power play that he do it when and how you say.
My cousin’s two daughters are both 20s, beautiful and slim but they wear low-cut clingy dresses when they go out. I think it looks cheap. Should I tell her?
- Concerned
No. They’re adults, she’s their mother; you have no part unless asked.
In a deeply personal discussion, I made a point with which my friend strongly disagreed. I stated it was a misunderstanding, based on my knowledge of the subject, with no harm meant. He knows I’d never deliberately hurt him.
However, he became increasingly irate, stating I’d offended him and questioned my intelligence. I ended up feeling equally as offended. He tried to coax an apology out of me and got angrier when I wouldn't budge.
I do own up to mistakes and apologize when I screw up. But I take exception to having one demanded. What do you think about saying "I'm sorry" just because it's demanded of you?
- Pissed off and Hurt
A good friend is worth an apology for offending him unintentionally. It speaks to caring about his feelings, not about an admission of mistake. Deeply personal topics easily trigger deep sensitivities, so tread carefully even when apologizing.
Tip of the day:
A dating web site profile is just an introduction, not an application form.