One client at my clothing store shops very frequently. Although she does buy beautiful clothes, she regularly arrives in dirty, unclean clothing reeking of urine! I know she has health issues – I’ve driven her home on numerous occasions, with towels on the seats and gasping for air.
Other new clients have left because of her and I’m constantly apologizing after she’s left. And we must spray disinfectant everywhere. I can’t understand why her family or friends don’t intervene. I don’t know how to handle this. I dread her entering the shop since she sometimes stays long enough expecting to be driven home by my staff or myself.
- What To Do?
Talk to her. Any approach will be sensitive for her, so at least show her the dignity of an honest, caring one. Explain, privately, how the situation affects her and others: You know she likes to have lovely clothes; you also know she has health issues that make her shopping time and some bodily hygiene matters problematic. As well, clothing she tries on can’t be soiled for the next customer.
Offer her a home-shopping alternative, as well as online view of what’s available. IF you’re willing, you could go to her home with the items for her to try. Hopefully, with personal service, she’ll be able to shop, as well as attend to cleanliness beforehand.
I’m 31, male and have been very happy in a five-year same-sex relationship, which I thought would last forever. However, my boyfriend’s older brother came to visit us from South America where he lives and I’ve found myself very attracted to him. My boyfriend is handsomer and has a warmer personality and I’ve always been faithful to him.
But his brother’s personality, which is magnetic and sexy, has me worried about what’s going to happen. My partner’s worked late a few times, so his brother and I went for drinks together, and there’s no doubt that he was coming on to me, even though he swears he’s straight. I’ve even fantasized that we’ll run off together!
How can I stop feeling so vulnerable to this guy and yet so interested, too?
- Torn and Guilt-Ridden
Take cold showers, visit friends, whatever it takes to break the spell. Unless you want to risk devastating your boyfriend, losing his trust forever, and possibly never seeing him again, this is a fantasy YOU must end.
Big Brother knows what he’s doing, and I suspect it’s his brand of sibling rivalry. It may even be his perverse reaction to his brother’s sexual identity … as in, he’s the so-called Straight Guy who can win over the kid brother’s boyfriends.
He’s trouble. So recognize that you’re being played and stay clear, especially avoiding time alone with this guy. If you can also start showing indifference, so much the better.
My ex-husband bought a double cemetery plot for us long before we divorced 10 years ago. I’m re-married to a man who wants to be cremated, while I will still need a plot. My grown children think I might as well be buried alongside my ex, as it’ll be convenient for them to visit the two graves (he didn’t re-marry). It somehow feels wrong to me … but then, I’ll be dead.
- Does It Matter?
You’re alive now and if it matters to you, that’s important enough. Buy your own plot, where you choose. Tell the “kids” that much of your life was for their “convenience.” Burial wishes are your choice, not theirs.
My girlfriend of eight years is addicted to prescription drugs; she’ll lie, steal, fake illness, whatever, to get doctors to give them to her. I’ve threatened to leave her, but she pulls me back with her despair. She suffers depression, has no self-confidence, and uses these drugs as a crutch. In between, she can be very loving.
We’re both late-40s. How can I convince her to live without these drugs? I can’t take the up-and-down dramas any more.
- Wit’s End
She has to want to stop. Alert the doctors whom she sees that she’s addicted and needs treatment. Give her information about drug addiction rehabilitation resources that are most accessible for her; and urge her to get counselling, too. Tell her you care about her but her addiction has become her main partner, not you. Then leave.
Save yourself. It’s possible that reality-check alert will snap her into seeking help.
Tip of the day:
Sometimes the honest-but-difficult approach is the only one that can work.