I’m a single mom, 29, who works everyday and never has time to spend with my children. 

My ex-husband isn’t a dependable provider. He lives a good life with his girlfriend and baby. Talking to him has gone nowhere.

My kids are always angry when I leave for work, and don’t understand that we need the money.

My ex was ordered to pay me child support but only does so when he chooses.

Recently I’d passed my tests to become a police officer - my dream for years - but I was disqualified due to having NO HELP with paying a babysitter.

What can I do to better myself and also keep my children happy?

- Frustrated

Return to the court that ordered your child support and ask for help getting it to you regularly. 

Scan job-search web sites to find part-time work that you can do from home, to earn part of your income.

Inquire of your local police association whether there are employee links to affordable day care, and how you can re-qualify for a job.

Meantime, gather your strength and determination to manage the best you can. Your children will reflect your attitude: If you complain about having to go to work, they’ll see it as a negative thing.

But if you stay positive, providing what you can and explaining what you can’t, they’ll also adapt more positively.

Eleven years ago our daughter became pregnant by her Filipino boyfriend of only six months. We offered them our basement suite rent-free so they could get established.  

He reduced his work hours, and idled his time away. She didn’t work either.

My husband and I worked long hours.

Our daughter was slovenly, and their suite became a slum. She became pregnant again.

After three years, we insisted they move out or pay market rent. They borrowed for a down payment from an aunt. The house they bought needed heavy repairs but not much was improved.

They were told after the second child, that they were genetically incompatible and each child most likely would have a defect worse than the one before. Their three children all have a disease.

Three years ago, our son-in-law attended a stag night featuring a stripper. Our daughter was upset and had asked my advice. I said she should explain how upset it made her, and ask him not to go. He went.

Since then, there’s been a series of rows between him and us, and he refused to see us.

My husband finally confronted him and things got nastier. I argued with my daughter in front of the kids, which I bitterly regretted. I’ve apologized five times but we’re still not allowed to see the kids except in a public place with both parents present, as he says we’re terrible in-laws.

What should we do?

- At a Loss

There’s a long, bad history here, starting with them taking advantage, and continuing with you showing disapproval. 

Even if it’s reasonably justified, disapproval is the death knell to many in-law relationships.

Try to stay in touch with the children… through email, cards, gifts for occasions, whatever’s possible. Also, periodically apologize again to BOTH parties, since your daughter is clearly standing by her husband.

You may feel you owe him nothing, but then, nothing is what you’re getting by way of a connection to your grandkids.

Take the high road and reach out to your family.

A friend of four years emailed that she’s ending our friendship. I had no idea why.

Our families got together weekly; we meet mornings or evenings when walking our dogs, etc.

She indicated I’d distressed her but she won’t discuss it.

It’s also affected my husband’s close relationship with her husband.

When I saw her husband, he apologized for his wife’s behaviour, feels she’s overreacting and this’ll blow over. He’s since avoided me.

What can I do?

- Estranged and Confused

Email back that you deeply regret whatever caused her distress, and respect her feelings, but if there is anything you can do to make amends, you’d like to try. Then occasionally send an email of hello and well wishes, to her alone. 

This may have to do with some triggered insecurity on her part, an imagined jealousy, or a misinterpretation of something you did or said.

Her husband’s “avoidance” could be the clue.