I was in a relationship that lasted three years when we found out I was pregnant, and my boyfriend proposed.

Three months later I had a miscarriage. I believe my fiance blamed me, although the doctors said there was nothing I could’ve done differently.

He was excitedly looking forward to the new addition and was devastated by the miscarriage but still suppresses his grief.

Shortly afterward, we broke up. I feel like he didn’t love me to begin with, and was just trying to do the right thing.

I’m hurting because of the loss of the baby but even more about being in love with a man who no longer loves me back.

- Hurting

He let you down when you needed him most. This is about his weak character, more than his grief. You both lost the child, yet he walked away without offering support, understanding or the chance to heal together. Do NOT lump these two losses together, because this is a man who would’ve let you down during some other stress or crisis. Deal with getting over the miscarriage.

Follow medical advice and a healthy lifestyle, so that you’ll feel positive about being able to get pregnant again when the right man comes along who wants to be there for you for the long-term. Your ex was not that guy.

My husband of 20 years is difficult to deal with when he’s drinking, his personality changes.

I love him dearly, but when he’s had a few drinks, he accuses me of cheating and lying… blaming me for anything that’s gone wrong. He’s sometimes physically abusive as well as emotionally abusive.

I don’t know how to talk with him, answer him or defend myself. I’ve honestly done nothing to give him any idea that I’m hurting our marriage. I support him and am very proud of him, and how far he’s come on his own.

I want this marriage more than anything, but I know others would say I’m a fool to take this.

I feel unwanted, useless, unappreciated, lonesome and afraid sometimes.

I don’t even tell family and friends about what’s going on. I was abandoned by an alcoholic mother who accused me that it was my fault for the way she is. Maybe I really don’t know what love is.

- Wounded Wife

Your insight is right on – the picture of “love” you were given as a child by your mother was distorted - and unfortunately, it’s the picture you were attracted to when you fell for your husband.

But you’re an adult now and know, instinctively, this relationship is increasingly harmful to you. Your bond with him is NOT equal, mutual love; instead, it’s dependence on what’s familiar, and it’s fear of breaking out on your own.

Worse, it’s enabling him to carry on abusing you.

I urge you to attend a support group meeting of Al-Anon/Alateen: You’ll hear stories of people who’ve endured similar pain, and of still others who decided they didn’t have to take it anymore.

Once you have more insight into how much this is HIS problem, and doesn’t have to be yours, consider making a secure plan for leaving him if his abuse escalates.

You may be at this point soon, so you’d be wise to call a local women’s shelter or community agency to help you plan your move.

The shock of your leaving may be the only way he recognizes that he has a destructive drinking problem.

We’re mid-40s, and from the start, our sexual activity was once weekly.

She views sex for having babies. After we had one child, my wife got ovarian cancer and had a hysterectomy. Afterward, sex was once monthly.

Now, she just says no.

Our counsellor says I should give up on sex as my wife is asexual, but I want a sexual partner.

Also we have no emotional connection anymore.

- Still Faithful

You need to talk to your wife about the nature of your union, not just about your sexual activity: What do each of you want from the marriage, and how can you compromise and help each other be satisfied in it?

Without an emotional connection or intimacy, there’s little glue to hold you together. Use your counselling session to discuss any possibilities there are for positive changes… including whether you’d both find more satisfaction going separate ways.