Is there a chance for a couple who had an affair to have a relationship after his marriage ended in divorce due to their affair?
He’d tried to work the marriage out but it couldn’t be saved.
The couple that had an affair still love each other.
But he’s in such a bad place - feeling lost, numb, and worried about his kids. His soon-to-be ex-wife is addicted to drugs, gambling and alcohol. So he’s getting custody of his children.
I’m wondering if though a couple had fallen in love, they can have a lasting relationship now since he’s pretty messed up.
- Uncertain In Portland
If you’re the “other woman,” you have good reason to wonder about what’s next. It’s one thing to be “in love” with a guy who goes home to his problems without you; it’s quite another to live with a man who’s in agony with all his problems swirling around him while living with you.
If, on the other hand, you’re the man in this picture, you also have good reason to question how much you have to give to another woman when you’re dealing with marriage breakdown, a difficult, addicted woman whom your kids still need to see or relate to, and children reeling from all this drama and crisis.
In either case, whether the divorcing guy or the other woman, this break-up needs time to be sorted out. No one should be making any firm, major moves into a new relationship, not even with a lover. Settle the divorce and custody issues and help the children adjust as best as possible.
If the love between the couple is great, it can stand a waiting period and will thrive far more easily, if there’s no rush or added chaos.
My fiance and I are expecting a baby, and our families are thrilled about the first grandchild.
Both my parents and his are divorced.
My mother is the only single, and lives nearby, while the other parents live far away.
My mother has offered to help, even stay with us, while I finish university. However, she seems to believe she should be the only one allowed to help.
My father and step-mother also want to visit next summer and my friends want to help with babysitting, but my mother has declared that none of this will be necessary.
I’ve told her this baby is special to many people and she needs to share but the message doesn’t seem to be getting across. What should I do?
- Baby Control
Be clear about your limits right now, and if she acts like she doesn’t get it or accept it, do NOT let her move in.
While it’s great to have a mother’s help with a new baby, it is a huge problem to allow her to take control. Not only will everyone else be resentful, but it’ll be a cause of upset for you and your husband.
Set out your schedule before the baby comes – e.g. she’s welcome and much appreciated to stay for two weeks after the birth, but then must go home as others will be visiting.
You may want to work out a plan such as her babysitting for two days a week, but living at her own place. Think this through, but don’t make the mistake of relying on her help because it’s free and available, and then be unable to live as you choose later.
My boyfriend of many years and I broke up almost a year ago due to his cheating. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but I can’t trust him.
I date, but haven’t allowed anyone to get to know me because I’m still in love with my ex.
I haven’t spoken with him since the break-up.
- Still Grieving In Chicago
A break-up after many years is a major loss, no matter the reason. So grieving is natural, so long as you don’t wallow in it and make it the mainstay of your life.
He cheated, you couldn’t accept that, his “love” words don’t ring true to you. Continue to not talk to him.
Instead of worrying about dating, look after YOU – see the friends, relatives and colleagues whom you like and who make you feel good about yourself.
Avoid others, especially your ex. Time will heal.
Tip of the day:
Rushing into a next relationship after a messy divorce, makes adjustments even harder, especially for children.