I’m in a mixed-race marriage. 

I work 40-hours weekly and do my best to provide for my family. My wife’s a stay-at-home mom who says, She “wasn’t meant to cook and clean.” We have a son, 2.

Recently, I came home to find him left alone; my wife was out buying clothes for herself.

I love my wife, and I can handle the laziness and the lack of cooking and cleaning, but I can’t handle her leaving my son home alone.

What should I do? Without her, who’s going to look after my son while I’m at work?

I tried talking to her as nice as I can and she flipped out calling me a “hater.”

- What Now?

The immediate need is clear: You must find supervised babysitting for your child, either through day care, a hired sitter, or a responsible relative. Do this not as a punitive action towards your wife, but as a legal necessity to provide for the child’s protective care. Then, talk to your wife reasonably – and listen - about how she wants to live in this marriage. 

Perhaps she’d like to work part-time, or improve her skills through more education. Consider how the two of you can work out a plan for her to meet some of her needs, while still being a responsible mother.

If she can’t have this conversation without “flipping out” and only wants a careless life, you MUST consider your son’s safety and weigh your options.

I’m 21, in college, living with my parents; Mom and I fight constantly. 

She doesn’t understand personal boundaries or my right to make my own choices. She attempts to destroy my relationships with my boyfriend by threatening to tell him that I’m an awful person.

Many arguments with past boyfriends have been over the fights between my mother and me. She plays family members against me and accuses me of doing the same to her.

These fights have entailed police calls, hitting, throwing and verbal abuse on both our parts. I use the same methods she does (name-calling, throwing things, screaming matches, even physical fighting). I’ve suggested seeking professional help together; she refused and accused me of being the entire problem. I don’t have an anger problem with anyone else than her.

I can’t move out now, as I’m a full-time student; working part-time wouldn’t cover rent. I’m considering dropping out of school to work full-time so I can leave.

Our fights negatively affect my relationship with my sisters and my nephew.

- Desperate for Solutions

You can always return to school in a few years, but you cannot always save yourself from entrenched bitterness, deep regrets, and permanent emotional damage. Move out NOW. 

You’re operating from frustration and powerlessness, while trying to assert yourself in your mother’s home. It’s a losing battle and you’re behaving the same as the person who infuriates you.

Get a job, or two jobs if need be.

Get a student loan and attend part-time.

Ask your student services department about student-aid funds, scholarships in your field, research jobs, etc.

Above all, ask for counselling help! There’s no justification for hanging onto misery, no matter who initiates the fights. You’re both at fault, both wallowing in the conflict. But it’s YOU - at the threshold of wanting more lasting relationships, and a happy future – who stands to lose more than your mother if you stay rooted in the muck.

Get out.

My boyfriend ended and then re-kindled our three-year relationship, twice; he was my first love. 

The last time we broke up, he was cheating on me. He’s now engaged to that girl. I’m heartbroken.

I feel in my heart he’s the only one for me, I think about him all the time (I know I deserve better). I’ve since had two relationships lasting a year each, but I can’t get him out of my heart.

Should I contact him or go on being miserable and alone?

- Agonized

This is about rejection and losing out, not love. You let him call the shots a second time, which compounded your feeling of having no control in this relationship. 

First love entails raw emotions unfiltered by experience. But by now, you should be developing enough pride and self-worth to slough off this old hurt and recognize that he simply was not the guy for you.