I MUST quit smoking! I know I need to, but I just can’t. I had dental surgery about a month ago and obviously couldn’t smoke (or eat or drink) for several days. I was so proud of myself for going five whole days without even a puff! And then I got all clear to eat whatever I wanted and instead, I smoked a half pack of cigarettes!

I live on my own and work from home. No one is here to help me stop. I don’t have to walk to work in the cold. I also don’t have to leave the office for a smoke break. And when I come home, there’s nothing stopping me from smoking in my own home. But I know it’s disgusting and stinky.

What is wrong with me and how can I quit this habit?

Smoker

There’s nothing WRONG with you. Many people smoke; that’s why it’s a billion-dollar business! And, as I’m sure you know, it’s an addiction. And, like most addictions, it’s not good for you. But it’s not easy to stop.

I strongly suggest you speak to your doctor, who may recommend nicotine patches, or Nicorette gum, or some other product that stops you from lighting up, but eases you off the nicotine, which is the addictive substance. I also strongly recommend the book, Allen Carr’s “Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This book has helped thousands of people quit the habit.

Most importantly though, you must WANT to quit. No one can force you; no one can stop you. Only you have control over this. So, I believe you need to find your WHY. And once you can really focus on your why, then you can put your mind to it, and THEN reading the book, getting help from your doctor will all fall into place.

As an aside, I have heard from several people that getting a dog helped them quit. It stopped them from smoking inside their home; gave them reason to go for walks, breathing fresh air and clearing their lungs. Try it!

My best friend was in a car accident recently and is now on life support. He probably won’t make it. He has been my person since high school. We have both had boyfriends and girlfriends, and never once changed our friendship into anything romantic. But we also talked about the what if scenario, as in, what if we never found someone we wanted to marry or have kids with. And, of course, we agreed to be that for each other.

At 26, we have both been bringing it up in conversation more. And we had just started spending even more time together (virtually impossible since we’re already inseparable). And to be honest, my feelings were starting to shift.

Now he’s in the hospital and I don’t know how to deal with this situation. How can I lose my best friend, who may have been my life partner? I’m devastated and don’t know where to turn.

Heartbroken

I believe in the power of love – not just the romantic kind. The love between a mother and her child; the love between cousins; the love between siblings. It’s all love and it’s all powerful.

Spend as much time as you can handle at the hospital. Sit with him. Talk to him. Hold his hand. Tell him how you feel. Tell him how much you love him, no definition necessary.

I also strongly suggest you find a professional to talk to. A therapist who has experience with grief, in case that’s where this lands. You’re going to need support if he passes, and you need it now. Lean on your family and friends.

FEEDBACK Regarding the frustrated fundraiser (Sept. 2):
Reader – “Nobody has the right to expect others to donate to their charitable causes. Perhaps this person’s family members should have replied to her request with praise for her effort, but they don’t owe her a contribution.

“Like many people, I’m constantly approached by friends and family who want money for their pet causes.  And there is no doubt that charities exploit people’s reluctance to appear cheap or uncaring, pressuring them to feel they must give to this neighbour’s effort, this aunt’s plea, this friend’s wide mailing, this grocery store cashier’s request. The letter-writer has no idea how much money her relatives may be giving to the charities of their choice, how much they may be handing out to friends and relations in need and what they’re paying in taxes.

“Being charitable involves giving your own time and money. Parting others from their money?  Not so much.  She should hold her tongue.”