I've been with my (first) girlfriend for four years; we're both late-20's and getting established. I have a good, secure job; she's a teacher on contract.

We each live with our parents, but see each other every day. She sleeps over on weekends. We're intimate occasionally (I wouldn't mind more) and pretty happy. We only have time for "fun" on weekends and her teaching preparation invades even those days.

Recently, I've been feeling under-appreciated, that she's placing our relationship and me increasingly lower on her priorities list.

I got her something I knew she'd like for her birthday. She just put it away. I felt very offended and said so, and she understood though claimed I was over-reacting. I said it was probably because she spent all her birthday week with her friends and family and no quality time with me.

She apologized, stating that she loves me. The next weekend she had a girls' night out, which I encourage. However, she stayed out extremely late. The last time that she stayed up late to do something fun with me was three years ago!

Our time together now is often spent doing her work, or she sleeps. It feels like I don't have a partner anymore.

I've suggested doing something new together (cooking lessons, dance lessons...) but those quickly become a chore for her and she loses interest. We keep arguing, trying to compromise, but revert to old ways.

We can't move in together because she doesn't have job security. I don't earn enough to rent on my own.

Has the relationship run its course even though we love each other immensely?

Lost

Your work lives and levels of independence are in flux, and your relationship needs to adjust. The pressures are huge - for her to find a permanent job, for you to have more time with and response from your partner.

Stop arguing and seek solutions together. Maybe you can help her with some of her work; maybe she stays over every other weekend, and devotes more time then to you and activities together. Maybe she purposefully catches up on her sleep on weeknights at her parents' place.

It's not time to give up, but it IS time for you to both air out the problems objectively, without blame, and try different approaches to making things better.

After ten years of marriage I had suspicions. I discovered what he was up to on the computer was worse than I'd imagined. That marriage break-up cost me a lot - financially, and emotionally. I had to change careers; it damaged my relationship with my children. And it broke my heart.

Nine years later I'm still rebuilding my life. I've fallen in love. He's proposed but I'm obsessed with not making the same mistake twice. The urge to check up on him is all I can think about. Is it possible to overcome this and live a happy life or, is it alright to do some investigating so that I don't have to relive this heartache again?

Snooper

Do NOT set up a pattern of distrust... or it won't end. See this man as himself, not as your ex. Discuss your past and the things you can't tolerate (secrets, vague answers, lies). Then, treat him with respect and expect the same.

Falling in love always has risks - it's part of the mystery, passion and tension of the experience. When love survives, it's well worth the risk.

I'm 20, my brother's 15 and sister is 24. My dad's been cheating, my mom knows and tries to discuss it, but he throws temper tantrums.

He admitted to me that he's been seeing another woman and sees nothing wrong with it because "it's been hell for him for 26 years" with my mom. It's actually the reverse, we can attest to that. He said he's going to rent a room outside the home temporarily.

Is it normal for families to go through these situations and come out okay at the end? Or should I just accept that divorce is imminent?

Concerned

Accept that their marriage is troubled, and is beyond your control. Whatever happens, you have a right to a relationship with both, even if they're not perfect beings. When one blames the other, walk away. Be caring but not a confidante. It's an unhealthy position for you to maintain.