I've been in a two-year happy, healthy, loving relationship. However, not long before it began, I was with someone for almost a decade.
My ex and I broke up suddenly and unexpectedly. I had no time to gather my possessions from his home.
Initially, we remained on good terms but a little over a month later, I met my current boyfriend. My ex then sent me a nasty text and blocked me on social media.
I understand his anger, but we’d both made mistakes, and we hadn't been “in the relationship” for a long time, especially not at the end.
Two years later, I have no idea how to ask to get my things back. I feel that he’ll either ignore/upset me, or it’ll open old wounds.
I still have a lot of anger towards how he broke up with me.
How can I politely ask for my things back without bringing up old animosity? Should I just accept that I’ll never get them back?
Just Want My Stuff
Whatever your belongings are, they’re yours. Legally, you have the right to them.
If you were to send a lawyer’s letter along with a nice personal note wishing him well, the exchange could be easy.
But it’d involve the legal fee. It could also backfire and set off your ex’es resentment.
Instead, you could start with a personal note on your own. Say something nice (but not misleading), wishing him well.
Then, rather than ask for something that’s rightfully yours, simply say you’re certain that he’d like the space your belongings are occupying, and if he’d name a convenient time for you to pick them up, that would be great.
But, do not go alone (you can’t be sure of his reaction) nor with your boyfriend (even more uncertain). Bring a friend or relative.
I've been seeing this guy for four months, it recently became serious. We both feel very strongly about each other. I've never before felt this way about someone.
However, he's recently become somewhat distant at times, not as vivacious or happy as he usually is.
Occasionally, he won’t reply to texts or calls from me all day.
Confronted, he admitted that he suffers from severe anxiety and depression, and these feelings have worsened recently.
Twice in ten days, he's suffered from panic attacks while in my presence - sobbing uncontrollably, questioning his self-worth. He even mentioned that he has thoughts of self-harm.
He's been seeing a therapist and has talked to his parents, friends and me, but the anxiety and depression has intensified.
I'm unsure how to react. I've suggested depression medication, but unsure if he'll comply.
I want this relationship to work out, but don’t know the next steps I should take. I also fear this will take a toll on my well-being, too.
His Panic Attacks
Your boyfriend is experiencing a mental health crisis, which is currently more important than your relationship.
His swings from a vivacious personality to panic attacks and suicide ideation are indicative of a serious mental health disorder.
Encourage him to seek a specialist’s diagnosis and the appropriate medication as well as ongoing therapy.
Your support as someone in his life is helpful, but it’s no time to be planning a future, nor urging “next steps” for the relationship to work out.
Nor should you be suggesting depression medication when he needs a professional assessment and continued close, informed watch over any course of meds and treatment.
I haven’t had a relationship with my mother for years, following on-off, hostile dealings which worsened when I was 12, when her addiction to prescription pain-killers started.
She’s been verbally and physically abusive to everyone in her life, has stolen, manipulated and even slept with one of my teenage boyfriends.
I moved on, by cutting her out of my life completely.
However, my in-laws constantly insist that she deserves to see my children, though she’s never tried to be part of my or my children’s lives.
How do I explain to my kids (ages six and three) that I don't speak to my mother? How do I tell everyone else to accept my decision?
Research the age-appropriate time for this talk. Start with simple concepts – your mother has a sickness that makes her behave meanly and be untrustworthy. You’re protecting them from her.
Tell your in-laws/others that they don’t know her, and they’re confusing/worrying impressionable children.
Tip of the day:
Clear your possessions from an ex-partner’s home, ASAP. Delays complicate both approaches and reactions.