I moved to England for work eight years ago and I’ve had difficulty here making and keeping friends. Some were also ex-pats (temporary residents) who eventually return home, others were local, but we were too dissimilar.

A year ago, I connected immediately with a new colleague. We share many interests and hobbies and I’ve been much, much happier since he arrived.

I’m 37, female, and my long-term boyfriend works in a different branch of the same company.

My friend is male, 45, has a wife and baby. I’m sure that neither of us is attracted to each other. My boyfriend has met my friend and likes him a lot.

However, my friend’s contract ends in two months and I’m increasingly upset, even panicked about it. Besides my boyfriend, he’s my only real friend in this country. I live very far from family and other friends.

He has many friends and family nearby so I may never see him again after he leaves. I’m sure that he plays more of a role in my very lonely life than I play in his.

With his baby, we can’t just invite him and his girlfriend out to the pub.

I’m also worried that his girlfriend might not be impressed that his best friend at work is me, a younger female.

I’ve joined many clubs over eight years, made many friends and lost many. I don’t know what to do.

Fearing More Loneliness

Join more clubs – but make sure they’re ones that reflect one of your interests.

Make more friends. Mix it up between others who’ve moved there temporarily, and anyone local who’s friendly and open.

Be open yourself. Your lost friendships have become a burden you’re carrying with you.

Find compatible people with whom you can spend time doing different things, e.g. someone who appreciates a good movie, someone else who enjoys a gym workout, etc.

Meanwhile, if you invite your current friend and his girlfriend out or to your place with the baby,  you’ll also need to show his partner that her friendship’s important to you.

FEEDBACK Regarding "In the Middle," the 15-year-old girl whose parents are divorcing (January 12):
“I'd like to elaborate on something you touched on, i.e. that at some point adjustments to the plan may be needed. I believe that, at the age of 15, children should be consulted about the arrangements that concern them.
“Sometimes children feel that they lose all control over their own lives when their parents divorce. But they do have choices.
“She is NOT obliged to agree to a 50-50 joint custody arrangement.
“Many children decide that they want to live with one parent or the other by that age, and that is their right.
“After going back and forth for a number of years, my son, step-son, and niece were all about 15 when they made that decision in their situations.
“They didn’t necessarily choose one parent over the other, but they were more focused on their own friends and activities and wanted a single home base.
“My son elected to live with his stepfather and me because we lived closer to his school and his friends.
“Realizing that she has some choice in her own living arrangement might make it easier for this girl to come to terms with her parents' divorce, and to move on with her own life.”
Ellie – Thanks for this reminder that teenagers should be presented with whatever choices are workable, reasonable, and, most important, are in their best interest.

I'm 13 and feel crazy. When I see poor people on the streets I believe they can work. Yet I used to give money to the homeless.

I change my mind about everything everyday.

I keep secrets from my parents and don't say when I feel sick. I constantly live in a fantasy world, imagining I can choose what happens.

It’s been going on for three months.

Changes and Fantasy

At 13, it’s normal to question things, trying to decide what you really think. Even adults must do research into the complications of homelessness, such as, how hard it is to get a job without a stable address. Your mind is showing you’re ready to learn, so start reading about those things that you wonder about.

But keeping secrets from parents about illnesses, and constantly escaping into fantasy, can affect your well-being.

Talk to family or a school counsellor about these changes and whatever happened three months ago.