This just happened to me: I thought I’d met “the One” and moved in with him after two weeks of dating. We lived together for three months, and I was the happiest I’d been in a long time.
I saw my entire future with this guy and we agreed we both wanted a family together.
I’m 33, he’s 31 and I want kids in two years, but he insisted on four years as there’s a lot he still wants to do before settling down.
I was so in love, I was willing to wait. He told me he’s never had a girlfriend before (only friends with benefits) so asked me to be patient with him.
He’s very traditional and wants a stay-at-home wife. After one month together, I lost my job and was a full-time housewife.
While cleaning one day, I stumbled upon legal documents, which included children’s birth certificates. He was married and has two kids!
I was heartbroken... my entire relationship with him had been a lie. When confronted, he initially acted confused but when I started packing to move out, said he’d tell me anything if I stayed.
Apparently, his wife left the family and his parents are raising the kids. I was so emotional I packed and left.
It’s been two weeks and I can’t stop thinking of him. He told me he still wants a future and family with me if this is something I can live with.
I don’t trust him and it makes sense to leave, but I’m still attracted to him and miss him.
Can you forgive a partner such a big lie?
Hurt and Confused
Yes, you can forgive his big lie, but only if he fully explains why he kept it up for several months, even as you were planning a life together when you were bound to discover that his parents were raising his children.
However, when the lie is so significant to your relationship (since being together might certainly lead to his children moving in with you two), it and associated lies can only be forgiven once. Period.
He must tell you the whole story, whether he’s legally separated or divorced, whether he’s involved in any parenting with her, or his parents, support arrangements, etc.
And you must discuss any future plans with the reality of his two children in mind.
I’ve been in a relationship for three years with an amazing guy who has the sweetest soul. I feel that he’s the best man in the world.
However, he is a Muslim and I’m a Catholic. His family’s accepting but my family is against our being together.
I also want my kids to be raised Catholic, but he wants otherwise.
Is it advisable to break up or remain together?
Many communities have become more diverse and mixed-religion marriages are more common.
But when immediate relatives strongly oppose a union, it can mean having to choose between them and your love.
A conflict over children’s religious upbringing can also split a couple.
You both must learn more about each other’s religion and what accommodations you may have to make, if you marry and raise kids together.
It is possible to live with mutual respect for each other’s beliefs, traditions and cultural practices.
However, if one partner and/or the family insist that only one religion can be followed, make sure that you first know what you can live with, and what you cannot.
My dad and brothers hang out with my son’s father even though he never sees his son, ten, and owes me a ton in child support.
When I said that it’s upsetting that they disregard my feelings, they said hurtful things: “What did you expect when you had a baby with someone like him?”
It’s been two years and I haven’t spoken to my brothers because they refuse to apologize and discuss it with me respectfully. My parents have “apologized” multiple times but don’t encourage them to do so.
Yet they accuse me of destroying our family. Is it wrong for me to want an appropriate apology? I feel like otherwise they’ll never respect me.
Focus on raising your son who needs great support, having been abandoned by his father. Make peace with your family for his sake. That should make them respect you even more than dwelling on hurts.
Tip of the day:
A big lie may have a solid excuse, but it can only be forgiven once.