I need your help. I’m having an affair, and I just can’t stop. The sex is so good, the connection is so deep, that even though I love my husband and know that what I’m doing is wrong, I keep going back for more.

We met innocently at the grocery store. I was reaching for an eggplant when he accidentally reached for the same one. We laughed and he made a fun show of “giving” me the eggplant in question. He then asked me what I was planning on using it for and we started to discuss eggplant recipes.

By sheer coincidence, a week or so later, we saw each other in the fruit section of the same grocery store. It was really a coincidence because it wasn’t the same day or the same time of day. Of course, he asked me how my eggplant turned out and I asked him about his. We chatted for a while until I realized the time. But before we said goodbye, we exchanged numbers so we could share our recipes.

We didn’t see each other again for over a month but were sending each other recipes at least weekly. Then he invited me for lunch at a restaurant he thought I would love based on our gastronomic discussions. It just so happened that the restaurant was beside my dentist, and I had an appointment that day. So, I said yes.

Lunch lasted the entire afternoon. And yes, I told him I was married and he told me he was newly separated. But I enjoyed his company so much that I ached for more. So, I jumped on the next invitation, and the next. Around that time, my husband was asked to go out of town for a week for work. Without worrying about what time I returned home, my “friend” and I met for dinner, which led to a nightcap, which led to hours at his place. The sex was out of this world!

My husband now travels at least one week of every month, and my affair has legs. I can’t stop and I don’t want to stop. But I know my husband will be devastated.

What should I do?

Eggplant Lover

You need to make a choice and come clean to your husband. If you choose this other person, the grocery store guy, then you need to leave your husband. It is unfair to continue this charade and play with his life. He deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.

If you choose your husband, then you need to break it off with Mr. Eggplant, delete his number, and block him from all social media. You also need to change grocery stores.

Some people will say you don’t need to tell your husband; some people will say you do. If you don’t, the secret could eat you alive, no pun intended. If you do, it may end your marriage.

But no matter what, you cannot stay married to your husband and continue this affair.

I’m a dental resident and I have the biggest girl crush on one of the doctors with whom I’m doing my pediatric rotation. I have a boyfriend, and she’s married with children, so I know this is just a crush. But I can’t concentrate on the work at hand. I get goosebumps when she’s near me and the whole world tunes right out.

What do I do?

Can’t concentrate

You need to get your head in the game. Your future success as a dentist depends on it. Tell your boyfriend – he may find that sexy. Talk it through with someone. Just figure out a way to work with this woman in a professional manner. Your career is at stake.

FEEDBACK Regarding group dynamics (Aug. 25):

Reader – “Your advice to the friend about inquiring if all was well with his friend who seemed to be in a tense situation with his wife was good but should maybe have included the warning that he may receive information that will put him on the spot.

“I was once in that situation, and I was placed in the awkward position of knowing things I would not wish to know and having to keep a secret from his wife who was also my friend.”

Lisi – Good point. However, in this case, the man clarified that he wasn’t close with either partner or was his wife. And, of course, the other person doesn’t have to share anything.

Reader #2 – “Your letter writer should MYOB – mind their own business!”

Lisi – Not bad advice, but they were expressing concern, so I offered an alternative.