I knew this guy through an online dating site, but felt he was too young and I was hung up on another guy.

Last year I sent him a message on Facebook about how much I liked him. We texted and I learned he had a girlfriend.

Weeks later, he texted (while drunk) that he’d broken up with his girlfriend and he’s available.

I told him to sober up. The next day I said I was okay with getting back together. He said he wasn’t ready for anything. I left him alone for a month.

Then I went to his house at 4am, and had sex with him. He was drunk and twice my age. I felt so sick.

After he sobered up, he said it was all a mistake. I tried to let it go, but kept contacting him. He finally told me to leave him alone; I was harassing him.

It hurt that this was happening to me again.

I’ve left him alone for a week. I thought he liked me. How I can stop thinking about him?

Rejected

You’ve become obsessed. And you’ve been “hung up” on guys before. The pattern starts with not believing in your own value.

That’s what you need to work on:

Rule #1 to tell yourself – I’m not interested in someone who only wants me when drunk.

Rule #2 – There’s no romance or joy in my having to convince someone to want me.

Having broken these “rules” of self-esteem and obsessed on a loser like this guy, it’s time to get to counselling. Or you’ll keep creating more heartache for yourself.

A friend’s son took his own life yesterday. He was in Grade 11. I haven’t talked to the parents in detail, but when do warning signs start in children? Can it be prevented? Do those that do it ever really think of those left behind?

We’re all devastated. The parents tried to get some help but it didn’t work. What can be done? I’m at a loss for ideas. I have two kids, I hug them a lot but what if depression is genetic?

Panicked Parent

Your children need you to be calm and confident that this kind of tragedy won’t happen to them.

Your friends may want to talk about it, in which case, let them choose which information they wish to share. Remember that their son’s case is unique to him and them, so don’t attempt comparisons.

Or, they won’t want to discuss it. Hopefully, they’ll be getting grief counselling and talking to professionals. They may be given resource books to help them and, later on, you can ask about those.

The primary prevention in your home is to stay as connected to your children as possible. LISTEN to them; hear what they say about school, friends’ behavior towards them, and their self-image.

If you have concerns, try to open dialogue, talk to their teachers regarding any school-related problem, and consider bullying as a possibility even if your child denies it.

If your child’s on medication consider ALL the potential side effects, discuss these with the doctor and watch closely for signs.

This isn’t a topic to cover with only quick answers. If you have specific worries, e.g. signs of depression, family history of depression, etc., talk to your family doctor, and see a therapist or psychiatrist who specializes with teenagers if that seems needed.

Go first on your own to assess the need, before suggesting your child go this route.

Others frequently bully my adult daughter. It started at age seven at school, and seems to occur in her life somewhat frequently.

She’s very sensitive and I think other adults become competitive, jealous. Other people see the bullying but never want to get involved.

How can I help her deal with this effectively in future? It seems like there’s a bullying epidemic, not only with children.

Worried Mom

She’s an adult and needs to look at what’s happening to her and how she’s handling it.

Example - Has it happened in several workplaces or repeatedly in one? Does it happen with different groups of friends or a core group? Has she asked for your help and would she take it?

Helping her decide her own course of action is your best approach. If you think she needs to talk to someone about her sensitivities, and/or how to respond to bullies, mention it, then back off.