I've liked this guy for a long time and asked him out. At first he was like No, then he was Okay.

I think he realized how much I actually like him. He told my friend that he’d go out with me if that’s what I wanted. I feel like he's just settling for me.

That makes it so hard to get over him.

Do I try to pursue a relationship or just gather any self-respect I still have and tell myself I deserve someone who likes me back?

Can a guy learn to love a girl who really likes him?

New York

It’s precisely because you sound so young that I want to give you a new theme for your self-image:

“I have a lot of value as a person.”

Once absorbed, the next message follows: “I will not sell myself short.”

It means you’ll not waste your energy pursuing someone who doesn’t “get” you. It’s that person’s loss. You’ll not allow yourself to hang around hoping someone eventually likes you. That’s demeaning and makes you appear needy.

Learn this now, and your confidence and self-worth will naturally attract people, so that the choice of the right person becomes yours.

My husband of nine years and I have been together for 15 years, since I was 19 and he was 22.

I’m a registered dental hygienist (college diploma). He hasn’t completed his high school diploma. I have a job in the public sector (benefits, pension, union, etc.); he’s been a labourer for 14 years. He works straight days (9-5:30), and has benefits.

He’s frequently frustrated because it’s a labour-intense, hot job and he’s on his feet all day. But he won’t motivate himself to do anything else.

Between accidents and layoffs, he’s had ample time/opportunity to re-train or get his high school diploma, but didn't. He does have steady work, insurance coverage, and makes a decent wage.

I always support him. It seems he wants a better job, but doesn't know what he wants to do.

He says that going back to school is "not an option.” He’s started correspondence courses to complete high school, but never finishes.

I’ve suggested counselling (personal and job), but he refused.

I don't care anymore if he’s depressed over this, as he does nothing to help himself except talk.

He quit an adult learning course because he doesn't like working in groups, and he rejects night school because he’s exhausted after work. (He plays nighttime hockey during winter - it makes him happy and gives him stress release).

Education’s very important to me. I was raised that if you don't like your circumstances - do something about it!

Fed Up Wife

You two have had this education gap a long time, yet it seems to be bothering you a lot.

That may be one of the reasons holding him back from making change. He likely fears he won’t achieve anything, and gives up before that becomes the greater reality. He hasn’t been a student for a long time, so confidence wouldn’t be strong. It’s a tough job market so leaving a secure one feels risky. Meanwhile, he earns decently, and has security.

Back off. Stop having the issue of his need to improve as a third presence in your relationship.

Continue “support” by acknowledging that he’s a hard worker and steady provider. When he complains, smile, and say you understand. Then walk away. He won’t do anything about this until when, and IF, he feels he can handle it without potential failure and humiliation.

FEEDBACKRegarding the man accused of looking at other women (June 13):

Reader –“If his wife’s upset, it means he’s not giving her equal admiration.

“I used to be slim and pretty, and now I’m fat and old, but my husband makes me feel wonderful, so we’re both able to enjoy beauty in all its forms, including skinny bikini-clad young women.

“If she  “wants everything in place" this sounds like she’s thinking that doing all the cleaning up is her lot for the rest of her life. No wonder she blows up sometimes.

“About "... she never thanks me..." Does he thank her for everything she does?

“Menopause does make women more irritable, but the irritants were likely there all along and should be addressed. He doesn't seem to be very cooperative or helpful.”

Ellie –We don’t know the answers to your questions, but they’re worth his considering.