I've only had one relationship, five years ago, and it was mostly sex. We never went on dates, out with friends, or to family gatherings together.

I never had a problem with this, but now that I’m seeing someone new (who’s always been the romantic type), I realize how much I was missing.

I feel "dumb" all the time because there are so many couple things I've never done. Any tips or encouragement you can offer?

Inexperienced Partner

The most important thing you can know, is that there’s nothing “dumb” about having had limited experience.

Your romantic date probably likes coming up with ideas.

But he’ll also appreciate your suggesting things to do and go see, in which you both share an interest – anything, from seeing a movie, to going to a beach, etc.

If trying something completely new appeals to you, ask whether he’d like to do it too – if not, that still doesn’t mean you were dumb.

Don’t rely on this new partner for all your entertainment and activities. Continue seeing friends, just as he should do. When you feel the time is right, suggest getting together with another couple whom you think will be fun company.

Above all, don’t stress on being the perfect partner. You’re a new couple, so take it slow and get to know each other.

I'm a teenage girl. There’s this boy who’s been my good friend for two years, but all we've ever done is flirt.

Recently, he's mentioned he’d like more. The problem is he means "friends with benefits" and I don't want to just fool around, though I’m attracted to him a lot.

Sometimes I think it's a good idea and others times I don't. Also, the thought of actually doing something is a little nerve-racking, because it’s one thing to flirt, but different for something to actually happen.

I don't know if I’m just wrapped up in the fantasy of "more," or whether I actually want it with him.

Hopelessly Confused

Your nervous system’s talking to you, saying that you’re not comfortable. That means the answer to him must be No.

If you go ahead and have sex with him based on his not wanting a dating relationship – that’s what we’re talking about here – it’s no “benefit” to you.

The reality is that you have a different idea of “more,” you’d hoped he likes you as a girlfriend, he’s rejecting that possibility, and you’ll get hurt in this deal.

You’re not ready. And he’s not the right guy, because he’s only interested in satisfying himself. Hold out for a better “friend” – that will be the one who thinks you’re terrific and wants to be your boyfriend.

My close friend just admitted to me that she’s a lesbian. I acted polite and I support her. I'm afraid that this’ll make our friendship awkward.

How do I stop that from happening? Should I talk to her about her being a lesbian or just leave it alone?

No Idea in Nanaimo

She didn’t suddenly change, only your perception of her has changed, and it’s obvious that’s because you know very little about what she means, and what it means to her.

Be a real friend. Ask her. Tell her if anything makes you feel awkward about the friendship, and ask how you two can overcome that as pals.

Her telling you was a big step. All that’s needed is for you to try to understand and support a friend.

FEEDBACK Regarding the husband of the “problem” post-menopause wife (June 13):

Reader – “Menopause hasn’t changed her. It’s the realization her hopes, ideas, dreams, and aspirations haven’t come to pass. Your wife is coming to terms that she too, is 60.

“She’s maintained the home in a certain way for your entire work career.

“Your retirement has no doubt displaced your sense of self, what problems to fix.

“With regard to looking at other women - are you demeaning her value in doing so? Does she ogle the strapping young boy down the street?

“Everyone appreciates a thank-you. Do you say thank you for a lovely dinner? Or, for a clean house?

“Do you care for her in illness? Do you brush her hair? If you want love and appreciation, give love and appreciation.

“Be proud of her. Don't see her as an adversary, call her “Lover” and mean it!”

Loved and Appreciated Wife